When I started
Project Life earlier this year, I got wonderful feedback from fellow Project Lifers, and a slew of new people started following me on Instagram and on my blog. But, in case you hadn't noticed, I kind of fell off the Project Life bandwagon. And over the past few weeks, I've noticed almost all the Project Lifers I'd connected with earlier this year have unfollowed me. It makes sense, but it still stung a little at first. (I know what you're thinking: I'm too sensitive. YOU ARE CORRECT.) It made me a bit sad that they had more of an interest in my Project Life pages than the real life bits I was sharing on my blog and Instagram, even if the medium wasn't a PL layout.
So I thought, maybe I should just stick with it because people seem to like it.
Even though I don't care about PL layouts. Even though the process of putting together pages had stopped being fun and took more time than I felt was worth it. Even though it makes me just as happy to look back at my blog or photos on Instagram to reminisce.
For a fleeting moment, I considered pushing aside my own feelings and desires because of what other people seemed to want.
Luckily, I'm getting better at identifying and course-correcting these moments of insecurity as I age. I read two posts recently that made me reflect on my own priorities and my very-much-not-priorities. First, Nicole at Life Less Bullshit
asked readers to declare their No.1 priority, and then Sarah wrote about
the things she doesn't care about. Together, these two posts gave me a moment to hone in on what is and isn't important to me at this point in time. I know myself well enough to realize that these items can and will fluctuate and change, but as I am starting new projects like my
YouTube channel and dedicating more time to reading and writing, it feels really good to say, "Nope, I do NOT care about that," especially when it frees up the time, mental energy, and even money needed to focus on what is more important to me.
Here are a few of the things on my "I just don't care" list:
- Project Life: For the reasons I mentioned above. Maybe someday, just not these days.
- Makeup: I understand the creative appeal of it, and I do like to look pulled together if the situation requires it, but on a day-to-day basis I absolutely do not care if my grocer or neighbors or anyone sees me bare-faced. I spent so much time with acne-related insecurity when I was younger that the fact that I have clear skin now makes me not even want to bother covering it up. See also: nail polish. My only issue—it takes
so fucking long to dry. I ain't got time for that, especially for something that will chip within a day given that I'm pretty rough on my hands. I've gotten exactly ONE salon mani, and it was before my wedding.
- Fashion: As I wrote in my first
capsule wardrobe post, I'm at the point in life where I know what I like and don't need to vary much from that, nor do I often need to seek out new clothes just for the sake of having new clothes. Plus, shopping for leisure is rarely fun for me. I've embraced
minimalist style, though if I'm being honest, I'm often running around in yoga pants, t-shirts, and my beloved
Merrell barefoot shoes and I DON'T CARE. When I'm out and about, I truthfully barely notice what other people are wearing, much less judge, so I tend to not worry about it myself. For better or worse—it's not important to me. I really hate when people suggest someone doesn't take care of themselves, has "let themselves go," or is insecure if they don't place a lot of importance on outward appearance.
FTS... you do you.
- Facebook: When I started finding myself annoyed the majority of the time I was spending on FB, I knew it was time to say goodbye for good. It's been about three or four months since I deleted my profile (not just deactivated) and I don't regret it. Mark will show me pictures of our nephews on his account occasionally, but there's not really any FOMO happening. Not like there was much to miss in the first place, as FB had become not much more than dog videos, Buzzfeed quizzes, and the occasional extreme political view.
- Majority of TV shows and movies: I am incredibly picky about what movies and shows I'll watch. With movies, it's hard to get me to sit still and focus on one thing for that long, so it better be a good story if I'm going to do it. I'm a little more forgiving with TV shows, but if it doesn't keep my interest, I'm out. I get a lot more satisfaction out of spending time reading, so I'd rather be doing that.
- My weight and clothing size: Health is super important to me, but my shape and size are not. I'm not a size 2, nor will I ever be, nor do I need to be. Health does not equal a particular size. But I do want to feel at ease in my body—breathing easy, moving my joints easily, processing food easily (TMI?). It's more about intuition and listening to myself and less about what I think I "should" do or whatever fad "eating philosophy" is currently popular. And I do love food, and if this enjoyment makes me a little softer around the middle at times, I'm okay with this.
- Styling my hair: This one may be something I wish I was better at, but since I'm not, I just don't care. I have four styles: air-dried with natural wave, straightened, pony tail, messy bun. And that's that. I'm also not above giving myself DIY trims.
- Giving my home the white glove test: I take care of clutter since it bugs me, but I'm not very good at deep cleaning—things like dusting, cleaning the blinds, etc. There's some guilt around this since I grew up around a grandma who is absolutely anal and would die if someone noticed even one fingerprint on her windows. By contrast, I live on the first floor alongside an alley, and the dust and dirt that blows in open windows is gross and collects in the window tracks like crazy. Yet it is a never-ending battle, so I don't even bother fighting. Oh well.
- Form over function: You will not see me buying things just because they are cute or pretty. Especially if they are not also practical. This often applies to fashion (and is why I recently got rid of all the high heels I owned), but also works for decor, souvenirs, technology (i.e., upgrading before it's necessary), etc. Sometimes I feel like my life is utterly un-Instagrammable without those Rifle Paper Co. notebooks, statement necklaces, and weekly fresh bouquets of flowers, but it does make my life more streamlined (and less costly).
- Prestige: This is sort of related to the point above in that luxury and high-end brands mean nothing to me unless there is a demonstrable improvement in quality. Beyond "stuff," I'm also learning not to care about what my life may look like to people on the outside of it. I love that we choose to live relatively simply in a smallish condo with one car, giving us the freedom to travel and spend money on experiences. I've had a harder time being comfortable with my non-traditional career path(s), since I know a lot of people don't really understand and seem judgmental about my choices. I'm working on not worrying about it, though.
***
It's quite freeing to think about the things you don't care about and how that frees up time, (some) money, and mental energy to for the things you do. It's interesting to observe that so many of my Don't Cares have to do with outward appearances—especially as someone who does graphic design and has well-defined aesthetic tastes—but when I think about it, it's not all that surprising. Over the past several years, I've been on a journey to embrace the imperfections of myself and others while focusing in on our internal landscapes and the stories we have to share. Everything I care about—reading, learning, traveling, connecting—is based in stories and experiences, not in "stuff" or the way things look. If I continue to pursue life with this attitude, I'm sure I'll find my way to "my people"— beautiful, imperfect, story-seeking souls who don't care whether or not I present my stories in the form of a Project Life layout ;)
{image via Death to the Stock Photo}
