Link Love : November

True Detective // Landscapes from Louisiana from Jaume R. Lloret on Vimeo.
I think my favorite thing about True Detective was the art direction and cinematography.
I'm excited to see how they visualize and stylize California for season 2!

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It's been quiet here around these parts, stemming from some hard personal times and my heavy heart over the current events of world. Honestly, I'm not sure the future of this blog, at least in its current iteration. Other projects have my attention, and I'm not sure that the desire is there to keep up with my blog when it is so personal and self-focused; I feel like my time would be better spent contributing to something that matters, ya know? But while I'm quietly trying to figure things out, here is my usual monthly roundup, which has been a constant staple in my blogging for years now.

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♥ A great post from Erin of Design for Mankind about following our hearts instead of external expectations.
♥  In a similar vein, Analiese wrote about how perfectionism shields and blocks us from fully living.
♥ I enjoyed reading the breakdown of how Megan and Mike of The Fresh Exchange bought their first home, especially navigating the world of mortgages and home loans as two entrepreneurs. (Though I couldn't help but *eyeroll* at the idea that blogging an unstyled, unfinished home is "blogger suicide." C'MON, the place still looks flawless. Lifestyle bloggers are a ridiculous bunch sometimes.)
♥ Improve your Instagram game with more mobile photography tips from Artifact Uprising.

♥ Fact: I adore Grace Helbig, and as a long-time fan, I almost get a little misty-eyed seeing her hard work pay off as she becomes more of a household name. Here's her recent New York Times profile.
♥ Thoughts on maintaining a blog for the long haul from one of my favorite food bloggers, Heidi of 101 Cookbooks.
♥ What to do when someone else has your brilliant idea.
♥ Elise Blaha Cripe's speech from the World Domination Summit {video}.

♥ This image, and the young man behind it, brought tears to my eyes. Love is louder.
♥ Two articles from Mark Manson: 7 Strange Questions That Can Help You Find Your Life Purpose and No, You Can't Have It All.
♥ And a similarly titled post from Hannah Brencher: You can't be all the things, which has some lovely thoughts about what we're communicating to others when we try and handle it all on our own.
♥ Amazon's picks for the best books of 2014, and some wonderful young debut writers you should be reading.
♥ I enjoyed watching Toni Morrison on The Colbert Report.  {video}

♥ Interesting: Why sad songs make us feel better—and spark our creativity. I'm a big fan of sad songs myself.
♥ Becoming You by Troye Sivan on Youtube {video}. "Don't let people stiffle you because you're doing the shit that they've always been to scared to do. Love your body. Let your mind wander. And let yourself be the person that you've secretly always wanted to be." 
♥ Two amazing sounding recipes: Chicken in Coconut Milk with Lemongrass and Shawarma nachos with hummus, labneh, and israeli salad.

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Goodbye, Sweet Kitty.

We said our goodbyes to our cat Misfit late last week, and it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. It's a special kind of torture to love someone so much that you don't want them to suffer but also to be the one to sign the papers that end their life. Awful.

The details of her illness don't matter at this point (and you really don't want to hear the specifics), but she had dealt with a growth since last November, which we discovered was cancerous when she had surgery to remove it in January. It was a very rare type of cancer, in fact, which none of the veterinarians we spoke to—even the oncology specialists—had seen more than a handful of times in their careers. $10,000 radiology treatments were obviously out of the question, so we hoped that the surgery would slow the tumor's spread and return, but by July, she needed a second surgery. And by October, it was back again, along with clusters of what felt like grapes in her abdomen. The cancer was spreading.

The most difficult part of last week for Mark and I was that Misfit wasn't acting any differently. She was her same spazzy, loveable, loudmouthed self. Still watching the birds and attempting to chase falling leaves from the window sill. She still ate like the 12 lb. cat that she was. She still cuddled and purred and begged for treats. She was only ten years old, which isn't all that old for a cat.

But the cancer was going to get worse; we didn't know when, but we knew it would. And although it felt like too early for us to say goodbye, I have to remind myself that to have waited for a physical sign from her would have been to have waited too long.

I know some people won't understand what we went through. She's just a cat, they'll say. But she wasn't. Misfit was a part of our family. The three of us were a little family. For all of the nine years Mark and I have lived together, she's been there with us. She was the most dog-like cat I've known, and she won over the affection of almost everyone who she came in contact with. She was truly hilarious—fetching milk rings that we'd throw for her over and over, performing tricks for treats, begging at the door to go outside, meowing to say "bless you" whenever we'd sneeze.

Our condo seems strangely quiet. Over the weekend we cleared out a lot of her belongings, but I still find reminders of her everywhere. Out of habit I left the window blinds raised a foot at the bottom last night, only to remember that there was no cat who would need to peer outside.  

We've been asked a dozen times if we're going to get another cat. The question surprised me the first few times. How could I possibly even think about another cat? It's only been three days! A new cat right away would simply be an attempt at band-aiding my grief instead of feeling it. Part of me wants to swear off pet ownership altogether—it's just voluntary and inevitable heartbreak. But I know that reaction is coming from the fresh pain of losing her. We have a lot of love to give, and I'm sure someday we'll find a new furry family member. But for now, I grieve for my sweet Misfit, Miss Fittlestein, Fitter-Fatter Pitter-Patter ♥

PS - A big thank you goes out to all the supportive and wonderful people I'm surrounded by. So many people reached out to me on social media when all of this was happening to offer condolences and words of comfort, and my sweet neighbor and fellow cat lady Renee even dropped off some muffins for us. You all are wonderful, and made me feel loved during this sad time. xo.