Link Love : November

'The Bear & The Hare' - The Making of via Blink

Link Love is a monthly series featuring my favorite links and bits around the interwebs.

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How to Love a Girl Who Writes by Kate Bartolotta via Elephant Journal

"Be prepared for her to leave you. Not for long, but there will be those moments where she’s mumbling and she gets that look in her eyes and you know you’ve lost her. An idea, a character, a song has caught hold and she must capture it; she’ll be back."

Roast Chicken Tournament Crowns the Best Recipe Ever via Buzzfeed

"Eight famous roast chicken recipes go head to head in a single-elimination, bracket-style tournament. Like March Madness. Only, with poultry."  

Gift Guide for Beauty Lovers via MakeupTIA
While I don't have too many beauty lovers to buy for, I loved Ashley's gift guide, especially the way she packaged and wrapped her gifts. I'm loving the way she has been editing her videos lately!

Remember, you said Yes to this via Danielle Laporte

"I realize that my mood is directly affected by my awareness of this fact: I said Yes to most everything that’s in my life. Yes — I want this. Yes — bring it on. Yes — I’m up for this."

The gift of not giving a thing via Yummy Mummy Club 
"But what if nobody gave me boys presents anymore? What if they only gave them GIFTS? The gifts of experience, adventure, and more importantly, familiarity that they truly need."
Despite the negative feedback this post has garnered, I totally agree; experiences > stuff, even for kids. Presence > Presents, as one commenter phrased it. I plan to have this same attitude when I have kids. 

Why is being yourself so damn hard? via Stratejoy
"You consume so many messages from others—from society, your community, your families—that tell you what is acceptable, desirable, or achievable that you can’t hear the siren song within you."

How to clean and care for your boots via Darling Magazine 
"Traipsing around in leather boots can cause damage, making our investment pieces less and less valuable with each winter storm. However, when we take time to take care for our boots they last longer, shed water better, and look their best despite the weather conditions."

Why I cook via Equals Record

"I find solace in the soothing rhythm of the prep work, my knife slicing gracefully through an onion or pile of herbs. I find comfort in the soft thump my oven makes as I open and close it..."
 

Coveting // Blushed

ElishaMarie's delicate, gold spiral ring.

Pink clay spa bath set from Herbivore Botanicals.

A dainty lotus tea light holder.

A set of crocheted dishcloths by CocoaBeans.

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Confession: While Christmas shopping on Etsy, I can't help but do a little window shopping for myself. Not sorry.

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I hope you are having a beautiful start to this holiday week, friends! And in case I'm too busy to post again this week, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I'm deeply grateful for all the blog friends I've made through the years, and for each person who takes the time to read along here.

Loving Lately : Autumn 2013

Burned: Bath and Body Works' Havest Gathering No. 4 candle. The scent is described as a blend of fresh pumpkin, warm harvest spices and apples. It's not overwhelmingly cinnamon-y, as many fall candles tend to be, and I like that the scent doesn't get too strong while burning. I loved the spiced apple scent of the popular Leaves candle last year, but the scent is so strong it made my nose run every time I burned it-- no es bueno. As we transition from fall into winter, I'm also LOVING Cranberry Woods (a mix of cranberry, blackcurrant, cedar wood, and amber) and Winter Night (fir, cyprus, clove, and incense). I purchased Winter Night last year and is unfortunately not available as a part of this year's collection. FYI - BBW runs 2/$22 sales all the time; I *NEVER* buy BBW candles at full price, because that's just ludicrous. They are the best non-high-end candles I've ever bought, and they burn super evenly. Cheaper brands tend to burn only in the center and you end up wasting a lot of wax.

Discovered: Photo Pin, a free photo searching site for bloggers and creatives. It searches for Creative Commons licensed photos that are free to use on your blog or website. I like the interface of this site opposed to Flickr's search function.

Ate: Chicken, Black Bean and Sweet Potato Chili by Tina Jeffers for Blissblog. This might be my favorite chili recipe I've ever tried! Now, this will sound crazy, but I made a few changes-- I used grass-fed beef instead of ground chicken, and I used only a few tablespoons of a dark beer (since that's all we had) and added a snack cup of applesauce to replace the rest of the beer (about 1/2 cup?). I also threw in a splash of Trader Joe's iced coffee concentrate (since there's already cocoa powder in the recipe, and little coffee can deepen the flavors). Even if you make it per the recipe, it'd taste super good. It's on my menu for this weekend.

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Watched: JustMargaret and EcoholicBeauty on YouTube. I'm always adding new people to my list of favorite YouTubers. I found Margaret earlier this year through a discussion about female creators on YouTube, and I love her quirky, thoughtful vlogs. She also has a makeup channel called ItsJustAesthetics, and she introduced me to EcoholicBeauty, a beauty vlogger who focuses on natural, environmentally friendly, and cruelty free makeup and body products. As a true hippie at heart, I'm super pumped to learn more about natural beauty care, and it's inspired me to do some overhauling (more on this soon).

Listened to: Anthropologie on Rotation, which is Anthro's Spotify station. If you love the music that plays in the store, you'll adore their Spotify playlists. The French playlist, "Passport to Paris," has been a perfect backdrop to my writing sessions, and their Christmas playlists are SO SO good (yep, totally listened to them already; my favorite is "A Merry-Making Playlist").

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Baked: The Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie. I'm not exaggerating; that's really the name of the recipe. It comes from Cook's Illustrated magazine, who is known for taking classic recipes and making a few strategic changes to make the best possible version of said recipes. These cookies are an old favorite of ours-- big, chewy, and caramel-y from the brown butter. I love to add a little flaked sea salt to the top for that salted dark chocolate taste. Amazing.

Purchased: Julep Maven beauty box subscription.* Let me preface this by saying I am NOT a nail polish girl (or much of a makeup girl at all, for that matter). I've seriously painted my nails twice since I got married 5+ years ago, and both of those times were in the past 2 months. So this recommendation does not come lightly-- I have to really enjoy it for me to be talking about it here :) I was given a coupon code to try a Julep box a few months ago. I'd heard about the box subscriptions through a few online friends, who all had good things to say. I ended up loving the three polishes that came in my introductory box, and ordered a November monthly box as well. Julep gives you the option of accepting or skipping each box after previewing the monthly selections, which is an awesome feature because sometimes the polishes just aren't appealing. Of the polishes and makeup products I have received, I've been quite impressed with the packaging, quality, and colors, and I admit that it's pretty fun to get a little present in the mail each month.

Learned: I signed up for illustrator/letterer Mary Kate McDevitt's Skillshare class "The First Steps of Hand Lettering." I'm obsessed with hand-drawn type (see my Pinterest board here) and I've always wanted to learn a little more about the process. I'm about halfway through the lessons, and I think it's a great class. Most valuable to me is seeing the way Mary Kate goes about her work. While she is undoubtedly talented, it also takes a lot of sketching, erasing, and refining of lines. You don't have to be inherently talented if you're willing to put some hard work in to your art. If you haven't taken a Skillshare class before, they are great! The online classes are design focused (think: Illustrator, InDesign, CSS, fashion illustration, etc.) and offered by well-known designers/artists, and feature video lessons, assignments, and classroom forums. All of the classes are super affordable (most are $20-25 per class). If you'd like $10 off your first class, feel free to use this coupon code link.*

(Please note: The two links marked with * are affiliate/referral links, and I receive a few credits if you purchase through these links. The original purchases were made with my own money, and I have only included them here because I really do enjoy them!)

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What are you loving this season?

Life as an Experiment.

One of the hardest life lessons for me to accept is that “changing your mind” isn’t the same as quitting or failure, two incredibly loaded words in my emotional vocabulary. The perfectionist in me feels so ashamed whenever I start a job or project, give it the old college try, learn that it’s not for me, and bring it to a close. This inner critic scolds me for not being able to commit, for giving up too easily, and for being too fickle and inconsistent. Then, when I start my next endeavor, I’m not only dealing with the natural nerves about starting something new, but also the guilt of prior “failures” and the pressure to live up to my perfectionistic expectations of “success.” It is obviously very difficult to hold a measure of grace for myself, and as a result I’ve found it increasingly harder to get started on the next thing as time goes on.

When I write it out I can often intellectualize my way out of this kind of situation. Like, “Hey, self, you know you have about two dozen interests, so do you really expect to pursue them all, love them all, AND be successful at them all? Okay, Superwoman, good luck with that.” In my less crazy-brain moments, I also recognize that I don’t want to waste time in my life pursuing something I don’t care about just to avoid the unfavorable feelings or negative reactions from others that would accompany quitting.

These thoughts are on my mind as I made the decision to close the doors to my Etsy shop last week. For the past two-ish years, I’ve been basically defining myself as a freelance designer. I’ve designed wedding invitations, both on Etsy and through personal connections, and I’ve helped some small businesses and creative artists with their marketing, design, and social media needs. Last year while we were living in Ireland, freelance design provided me with a degree of flexibility that I wouldn’t have been able to achieve otherwise. And since there’s a lingering chance that Mark’s company could temporarily relocate him for other projects, it seemed logical for me to continue in this manner.

Yet every time I thought about sticking with graphic design and what it would mean to grow as an Etsy shop owner and a freelancer, I felt uneasy. I didn’t outright hate any element of what I was doing, but I was certain I didn’t feel any real passion or enthusiasm. It’s not fun to pour time and creativity into designs, only to have them sit on the virtual shelf on Etsy (which is obviously a very crowded marketplace). For a passionate stationery designer, consumer demand adjustments would just be a standard part of business, but for me it felt pointless. Plus, I disliked the marketing/self-promotion process, and I desired more meaning for my life's work than to “make things look pretty.” Of course I know there’s more to design than that, but that’s all I felt like I was doing, and wasn’t quite enough. I did enjoy creating "fun" projects for my family-- holiday cards, Blurb books, homemade gift labels, Project Life printable cards, etc.-- but those didn't exactly pay the bills.

I found myself saying to friends and acquaintances on more than one occasion, “I’m a graphic designer and have an Etsy shop right now, but I know it’s not something I will keep up with long term.” (And then I'd attempt to change the subject REAL FAST.)

Q: If I already knew that the end would be coming someday, why was I choosing to live in this limbo land of inaction?

A: Because I’m embarrassed to add this to the list of stuff I’ve quit. Apparently, being mildly dissatisfied and fairly indifferent towards my work is better for my ego than to cut my loses and move on. “Graphic designer” was an identity, even if it was one that I didn’t ultimately connect with.

But, seriously, screw that half-assed and self-conscious way of living. What is this life but a series of experiments strung together? How much gentler would we be with ourselves if we viewed our pursuits in this way? As Paul Jarvis wrote a while back on 99u.com, “Experiments don’t “fail”-- they simply prove or disprove a hypothesis.” This line of thinking eliminates the harshness of failure and quitting. There is nothing wrong with us for having given something a genuine try and decided, “that’s not for me.” Not everything you try will be a perfect fit for you. Ignoring the existence of résumé rules and HR representatives for a moment, the number of jobs you’ve had or the number of hobbies you’ve tried (for whatever amount of time) speaks little about what you can do in the future or who you are as a person.

It’s somewhat related to the feelings I had when I wrote about the role of Life Lists for me. We have no idea what kinds of events and experiences are going to change us and in what ways. We can only try something, learn and grow, and adjust from there. And that doesn’t sound anything like failure to me.

I'll leave you with two tangentially-related quotes, which have really been speaking to me these days:

“I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me.” ~ Hermann Hesse

and

"There is only one way to avoid criticism: Do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." ~ Aristotle

{Image: path path path by Barbara Agnew on Flickr via Creative Commons license.}

Listed // At 30...

THINGS I'VE LEARNED AT 30:
- That no one will give you permission so stop waiting for it
- Travel is always worth it
- How to like wine (a work in progress)
- That mushrooms *aren’t* the most vile food substance in existence
- Food is my love language
- That you will NEVER-- quote unquote-- “have your shit together”
- That one significant sign of a mature adult is hiring movers instead of asking your friends
- That my threshold for coffee is exactly 11 ounces
- That steady contentedness is often preferable to the temporary high of happiness
- How wonderful brunch is
- That spending money on food and travel is FAR more fun for me than spending money on clothes, makeup and “stuff”
- That Dyson vacuums ARE worth the money (though I bought refurbished like the true cheapskate that I am)
- That a vacuum can make me incredibly happy
- How to pinpoint the sources of my anxiety much quicker (a work in progress)
- That less is almost always more
- Dinner parties > House parties
- That my parents are flawed humans just like everyone else and are sometimes different from the people I wish they would be
- That owning a home *is not* a requirement for adulthood (something learned too little too late)
- That you’re never too old for binge watching tv shows, eating popcorn for dinner, adoring young adult books, and loving your cat like she’s your child
- That I am too old for staying out past 11pm, having more than 2.5 drinks, and going anywhere with large crowds of people

THINGS I HAVE YET TO LEARN/UNDERSTAND AT 30:
- The perfect shade of lipstick for me
- Whether I have cool toned or warm toned skin (Update, now that I know what it means: COOL. Duh.)
- Whether 30 is too old for to pierce my nose
- What “escrow” is
- How to respond to emails in a timely manner
- How to change a tire
- Navigating my health insurance without pulling all my hair out
- How to correctly pronounce “entrepreneurial” or “Arnold Palmer” without sounding like I have a speech impediment
- How to style my hair in more than two ways (up or down)
- Investing
- How not to hate making phone calls
- How to maintain long distance friendships, particularly with friends who “don’t do social media” (or answer emails/texts)
- How to not hate working out
- How to stop craving foods from my childhood like Lunchables, Pizza Rolls, and mac and cheese with hotdogs

THINGS I'VE DECIDED AT 30 THAT I DON'T EVER HAVE TO LEARN/UNDERSTAND:
- Google+
- Driving a stick-shift/manual car (sorry, Marcus!)
- How to walk in high heels
- How to like beer
- The purpose of LinkedIn
- Football
- How to like (raw) oysters 
- Facebook privacy settings
- Black Friday shopping (eff that shiz)
- Urban Outfitters
- Snapchat
- What’s considered “in fashion”
- How not to get fired up when talking to social conservatives
- How to be “less emotional”

Instructions for Living a Life.

“Instructions for living a life:

Pay attention. 

Be astonished. 

Tell about it.” 

~ Mary Oliver 

The sky hung heavy and gray as we climbed the tiled stairs out of the Abbesses metro station. I tightened my black peacoat around my torso and nestled into my scarf. Glancing at the Parisians passing me on the street, I smiled when I realized I could probably pass for one of them-- at least until someone tried to speak to me in French.

It was just before dusk, and orange light had begun to pour out of the dozens of cafes that seemed to line both sides of every street we wandered down, each one tempting us with an aperitif and fresh, warm baguettes. Up the hill, I could see Sacre Coeur looming over Montmartre, and Mark and I pointed out each landmark we recognized from Amelie (my most favorite movie of all time).

We wandered down another random street, drooling over tidy rows of macarons and croissants in the window of the patisserie and admiring how there was an individual shop for nearly everything-- a chocolatier, a cheese shop, a pharmacy, a seafood vendor, a florist, a rotisserie.

On the other side of the street, I caught sight of an unmistakable red and white awning that read, “Cafe des 2 Moulins.” Abandoning my desire to avoid standing out as a typical American tourist, I excitedly turned to ask Mark if he would take a photo of me in front of Amelie’s infamous place of employment.

But he was no longer standing beside me. I glanced up and down the narrow street, wondering for half a second how someone could have possibly abducted my husband in plain sight. How does one goes about filing a missing persons report in a foreign country?

Not more than 30 seconds later, Mark emerged from the rotisserie with a smile, holding up a white paper bag. Two translucent circles were growing across the bottom of the bag, and the swirling scent of herbs and rich, caramelized chicken wafted out. He said, “My mouth was watering, and I just had to follow my nose.”

I followed Mark to a dim side street, and we perched on the window sill of a shop that had closed for the evening. He handed me a shiny auburn drumstick speckled with rosemary, and I sunk my teeth into the most tender, juicy, flavorful chicken I’d ever had the pleasure of tasting. I’m pretty sure I closed my eyes and I might have moaned aloud. When nothing but a clean bone remained, I licked the last bit of herbs and oil from my fingertips. Smiling, I realized I’d just had my own little Amelie moment-- giving in to the moment and fully enjoying the most simple of life’s pleasures.

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When you look at my life list, the preceding memory is summarized as “Visit France.” Followed by a check mark.

That check mark contains so much. It’s the crisp Montmartre air and taste of that chicken eaten greedily on a street corner. It’s the few hours we were accidentally locked inside our friends’ apartment in the 15th Arrondissement, and the laughs we shared over authentic crepes and bowls of cider. It’s a kiss under the Eiffel Tower. It’s the difference in the way Paris felt to me as a twenty-year-old versus a twenty-nine-year-old.

Does a check mark on my life list speak these nuances? Will I remember each of these precious details as I grow old, or will I focus only on the fact that France was a check off my life list?

I’m not wholly opposed to life lists or bucket lists or whatever you choose to call them. I think it great to think about what you want out of your life and make a plan to move you towards that. However, I’ve sort of been questioning why I personally keep a life list. I’m starting to think more critically about the way life lists can cut into spontaneity, and how they affect the experience and memories of specific events. 

At their roots, life lists and bucket lists are the things we want to do before we die. They are a way to try and fill our lives with activities-- and therefore memories-- that we think will be important to us during our lifetime. However,  I think it's delusional to sit down in advance and pretend to assume we know what experiences will shape us, and we certainly can’t predict which actions will turn into memories that matter.

The thought and planning that goes into creating a life list is based on our self-definition at the time of writing it. A life list can be created to push your comfort zone, but there’s no possible way to plan the kind of spontaneity that ends up shifting and expanding the way you see yourself. I’d never have believed myself to be the kind of person who would ever want to go white water rafting, but on a trip to Colorado with my family I found myself bobbing down a river, furiously trying to remain in the raft while slicing my oar into the rapids. And, guess what? I had a blast, and I hope to do it again someday.

Despite my Type-A, somewhat controlling, over-planning nature, I’ve gotten much more out of experiences that have evolved naturally or spontaneously rather than those that I’ve deliberated. Sometimes it has been a small moment, like my experience white water rafting, or a more significant event, like the time Mark and I were offered passes into Grant Park on Election Night in 2008, where we got to be a part of the crowd as Obama was declared President. I still get goosebumps as I recall the deafening cheers, happy tears, and Obama's speech that followed. Neither of these memories are commemorated in any form on my life list.

Aside from the removal of spontaneity, the other issue I have with life lists is the way that I process experiences and goals from my list. Once I achieve or complete something, I add a check mark and move on to the next thing. In being so deliberately action-oriented, am I taking the appropriate time to acknowledge what I have done? I take the blame for part of this, as I haven’t been keeping up with writing and other forms of documenting life, but I also recognize that life lists by nature are skewed towards the future-- they are lists of things you haven’t done yet, places you want to go, hobbies to someday be explored. I don’t want to be in such a rush to achieve that I forget to savor the moment, to take pause to remember the taste of the chicken devoured on Montmartre street corner.

I don’t mean for this critique to be a wholesale takedown of life lists and bucket lists. I think they can really work for some people who thrive on the challenge of it. But I want to start treating my own list as an outline instead of a rule book, as a reflection tool instead of a planning tool. Since I already have a list created, perhaps it's time to take an indefinite hiatus from it and let life happen for a while, inviting in serendipity, discovery, and "yes moments." I wouldn't be surprised to pull out my list in the future to discover that I'd achieved more than a handful of items without any force or expectations, and a number of stories to tell.

I want my life to be more than a series of check marks; I want it to be full of the stories that live in the spaces between them.

Link Love : October

Dublin in 60 Seconds by Visit Dublin

{I miss it there so much! Cannot believe we've been back for 1 year and 1 month already.}

Link Love is a monthly series featuring my favorite links and bits around the interwebs.

Somehow, the last day of the month escaped me yesterday (I didn't even wish anyone a Happy Halloween, for shame), so my Link Love list is a day later than normal. But it's an extra good group of links this month.

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The Blogger's Drinking Game via Desert Dandelion.
"Take a drink every time: 1. A blogger writes a post about rethinking blogging. 2. A blogger writes a post with an extremely complex, unnecessary, but pinnable Photoshop graphic... [etc.]" Because we have to laugh at ourselves sometimes, right? I know I'm guilty of a few of these! PS - Despite another article linked below decrying internet meanness, I think this post is pretty tongue-in-cheek and not mean-spirited, just to clarify :) <--- that's Blogger's Drinking Game #5, right there! :)

Stocking a Whole Foods Pantry via Naturally Ella.
"For me, cooking is about having fun, being creative, and eliminating waste in the kitchen. I thought today I would share with you some of my basic pantry staples, along with a few extra items, that help my kitchen a creative zone and not a “we have nothing to eat” zone."

10 Life Lessons You Should Unlearn by Martha Beck via The Huffington Post.
"In the past 10 years, I've realized that our culture is rife with ideas that actually inhibit joy. Here are some of the things I'm most grateful to have unlearned..."

Slaves of the Internet, Unite! by Tim Kreider via The New York Times.
"People who would consider it a bizarre breach of conduct to expect anyone to give them a haircut or a can of soda at no cost will ask you, with a straight face and a clear conscience, whether you wouldn’t be willing to write an essay or draw an illustration for them for nothing."

Full & Quiet via Bird is the Word.
"I’m living pieces of the life I always wanted and pieces of the one I never knew I wanted. A life that is full and somehow quiet, in the most perfect of ways."

Writing Advice, Applied to Life via The Daily Simple.
"“Every sentence must do one of two things – reveal character or advance action.” – Kurt Vonnegut. Applied to life: Make everything you do or say matter. This is something I’ve learned most from my husband who, when in conversation, listens more than he talks but when he talks he makes it count."

You are all completely insufferable by Mark Morford via The San Franscisco Gate (h/t Amy).
"It is 2013. Hate is, unfortunately, more than a bad habit, a harmless trend enjoyed by a few lowlifes seeking attention. It has become a national modality, our shared online identity..."

Prepared and Packaged with Love via Darling Magazine.
"Dreamed up by a lovely couple who embody what being a lover of all things food is and sharing that love with friends, food swap has become a highlight of the month for this girl.  A common bond and affinity for creating in the kitchen brings us together once a month on that blessed Saturday morning when we arrive to someone’s home with goods in hand."