Stepping out of 2013, I initially felt that the year was a waste, one to put behind me and never look back. There was loss and pain-- both physical and emotional-- for every member of my family over the past year, and for an empathetic, highly sensitive person like myself, I could only cope by sort of shutting down. Creative juice dried up, I wasn't taking care of myself holistically, and I ended up sick all too often. There was a lot of wallowing and it wasn't pretty.
What pulled me out of my funk was looking at the people around me and admiring how they were handling their challenges. Major life changes were faced with an open heart, and I loved seeing the lessons that these individuals walked away with from their experiences, spirits unbroken. It was the reminder I needed to see that it is not a perfectly outlined and executed plan that makes for a well-lived life, it's the way we express ourselves, an attitude of bravery, and the grace we show when we hit those inevitable bumps in the road. In gaining a little perspective, I was able to see the ways I'd been brave in 2013 in my own small ways and admire that I made it through. It wasn't ideal, it wasn't always fun, but it also wasn't "a waste" or a year to be swept under the rug. It was 365 days of my life, and it is a part of my story.
Which leads me to my One Little Word for 2014...
STORY.
If I focus on the role of story in my life, I imagine I'd be more committed to focusing on what matters to me. I would not let perfectionism take hold and suffocate my fortitude and courage. I might be more vulnerable, and embrace the messy, real parts of life. I might ease up on the mental comparisons to others and judging myself against them.
Choosing "Story" as my One Little Word means embracing my story. I mean this in the internal sense, as described above, but also in the creative sense. I want to blog like I used to, I want to document more of my life through photos and Project Life, and I have some secret plans to take a story I have in my head and put it down on the page for the very first time. This will involve getting to know myself as a writer in a way I've never done before, and that's sort of scary!
I also want to discover your story, and the stories of the people around me. I want to practice listening, and invite openness. Thanks to some social anxiety, I often battle self-consciousness when I'm around new people, which can makes it hard for me to get out of my head and connect with others. While the apprehension usually fades over time, I still feel awkward asking questions despite my natural curiosity. It will take practice, and I'll probably embarrass myself on more than one occasion, but I know it would help deepen my relationships-- even with the people I know well already. The other ways I see this playing out is by committing to commenting on blogs again to foster better online connections, and possibly exploring an online project that would necessitate interviewing a variety of people. As I've mentioned in my "Heart of the Matter" posts, I'm deeply drawn to projects that celebrate our beautiful and complex humanness, and I want bring that kind of honesty and storytelling into my life.
One question that I know I'll be asking myself is, "Does this (action/pursuit/whatever) make my story better?" When I read Donald Miller's "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" last year, I was really struck by his philosophy that we are literally characters in our own story, and he encourages us to examine whether we're living the story we want to be living. I also like the idea of asking, "What's the story here?" because it encourages me to look deeper at a situation, viewpoint, or belief to extract its true meaning and complexity.
I feel really good about choosing "Story" as my One Little Word for 2014 because it is sort of an anti-resolution resolution. It doesn't ask me to label some part of myself as lacking and in need of reform like many resolutions do; there's a backbone of self-acceptance and imperfection to the concept that will hopefully prevent me from being trapped in a perfectionistic standstill. I've also chosen four core desired feelings for the year (a la Danielle LaPorte) and I think these concepts fully support my idea of "Story"-- Grace, Intention, Creativity, and Enthusiasm/Humor.
I am excited to see how the story of 2014 unfolds.
PS- The images in the collage above came from Pinterest and Tumblr. I'll update the post with sources soon (if I can track them down).
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