I had a conversation with an acquaintance a while back in which they commented that I seemed ungrounded. It was true: my creative and personal confidence was lacking, I'd been through some emotional upheavals at the time and hadn't really dealt with them in any sort of concrete way, and I had a constant sense of inner indecisiveness. "I don't know" was a refrain that I said all too frequently; I was full of far more questions than answers. And, although I shouldn't have been, it caught me off-guard that someone else—who I didn't even know that well—could spot my shaky foundation. It's uncomfortable when others are able to accurately point out your bullshit, especially when you didn't really even notice it piled up in the corner.
Over the past year, this conversation would pop into my head on occasion, especially when I was editing my videos for my booktube channel. The process of putting my face and thoughts on the internet has been a mirror of sorts, reflecting back to me the wavering I sometimes have in my words, or the way I sometimes don't seem trust my own voice and perspective. There's a sprinkling of perfectionism and pressure in there as well, as I do want to be articulate and communicate clearly, but in between the words, I could often spot this floaty "ungrounded-ness" that I'd previously been called out on. (Thank goodness for editing programs, so that I end up a little more pulled together in my final videos. But that doesn't help me in my everyday life!)
At some point in 2014, I knew my defining word for 2015 would be "rooted." To me, this represents inner strength and stability. I like that there is an implied sense of growth to the word, but also a peaceful, calm centeredness. To believe in who you are and what you want.
And while I think this word would be enough on its own, I also liked the idea of pairing it with "awake" and "unapologetic." To me, they're all threads that weave together into something larger, stronger. "Awake" evokes a presence of mind, an openness, a connection to the world around me. To not be rooted in a stubborn, negative way but to bring awareness to how I let the world influence me, and how I influence it. And "unapologetic" takes these inward-focused words and turns them outward—it is an encouragement to be myself, as I am, no apologies. It's the idea that I am enough.
So those are my three guiding words for 2015. It might sound like a bunch of hippie talk, but I think it will do me some good to reflect on these words, since they so clearly represent how I'd like to evolve as a person, this year and always. In many ways, I'd fallen out of favor with the idea of personal development over the past two-ish years, and I honestly think it deserves a place in my life again. I hope these words will inspire me to prioritize regular journal writing again, as I think it's one of the best ways to discover new things about yourself, or simply (re)connect with your inner voice.
{2014: Story. | 2013: Courageous Truth. | 2012: Ignite. | 2011: Cultivate. | 2010: Action.}
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI've been following for a while but not sure if I've ever commented!
I think those are all excellent words and work so well in tandem with each other. As you said, rooted can have negative connotations because it could make you too stubborn to see that what you're rooted in (whether it's a place or a way of thinking) is not good for you or the rest of the world. There has to be an intentionality behind your choices, and 'awake' brings that to life perfectly. Plus, the word 'root' is right there in your blog name, so it's a little like coming home, no?
I've also drifted away from personal development. I think it's because the internet is just overflowing with personal development articles, so much that I wonder if anyone is actually doing any development between the writing and reading of these pieces. But it is important to carve out some time when you're connected with yourself; it makes you more able to see when you're acting in a way that isn't like you and what might be the causes. I'm trying to figure out a way to do that in my own life. Unfortunately, journal writing has mostly been a negative experience for me because I tend to dwell on negative feelings that I might of otherwise forgotten.