Today’s links all happened to connect to the idea of technology, especially how it is influencing us. I’m constantly trying to delineate my boundaries with technology in a world where the lines are becoming more and more blurred. It’s obviously on other people’s minds as well, given the recent viral story about the Instagram model who “quit” social media, though I’m not interested in discussing her scenario specifically—more so the more subtle gray areas that lie between the demonization and evangelicalism of technology/social media.
Over the past month, I considered shuttering my blog and starting a newsletter instead—primarily just to share links/thoughts posts just like this. While I decided it’s not yet time to transition, I am keeping the idea in mind for the future. Are newsletters the Internet’s new safe space for women? This article looks at the rise of email newsletters, particularly among women writers and creators. As online environments have become more toxic and comments sections are a place where trolls often lurk, it can be challenging to share your voice without backlash of some kind—especially as women and even more so as feminist women. Through my own online activities, I have thankfully dealt with only a small dose of creepy and unwelcome comments, but I also know I’ve purposely held back my liberal, social justice-leaning opinions for fear of becoming a target of online trolling. I am certainly attracted to the idea of an opt-in, less public space where I can share my thoughts and interests with a small group of women (and men, too, if they want, but a community of women has and will always be my primary interest). In some ways, communicating through email feels like a throwback to old school pen pal letters.
The article mentions Lena Dunham’s new project called Lenny, which I enjoy, but I’d also like to endorse journalist Ann Friedman’s weekly links and my booktube friend Rincey’s Five on Friday.
However, I really, really hate the idea of personal branding on a human level. We’re obviously so much more complex than that, and I fear what will come out of our reductive tendency to want to put others into boxes we can label and categorize, and what happens when people defy these boundaries. I’ve been thinking a lot about this in regards to social media, particularly as a creator (although not currently a very productive one, which is a separate problem). I’ve noticed how a lot of people will make separate Twitter or Youtube accounts to compartmentalize their content; I’ve watched Instagrammers grow in popularity when they settle on a specific photo style and subject matter that they repeat ad nauseum; personal blogs are out, lifestyle/business blogs are the norm. Etcetera.
I tend to resist niche-ing myself, and I desire my work (and social media) to be a reflection of the multitudes within myself. I quit my book-centric Instagram because I felt like I was far more interested in people’s lives, and sharing my own stories, than yet another pretty photo of a book (which all start to blend together after a while). I’ve even been wrestling with my approach to my bookish Youtube channel, particularly because there are other topics I want to talk about but that lie outside the scope of books and what has been established as the norm by the booktube community itself. Of course, I recognize that multi-faceted authenticity and honesty is impossible given the limits of one photo, one 140-character tweet, one blog post or video. We're all adapting a performative or public persona of sorts through the things we choose to create and promote. But can anyone be successful (whether that be in terms of skill, money, community, or notoriety) without a narrowly defined focus/brand/message? And, if you choose not to specialize, does your personality inherently become your "brand?" (and that's weird in and of itself). I don’t have any definitive conclusions on this, but it is on my mind as a person who loves and uses the internet.
I fully expected to hate this article about a photographer that decided to photograph own wedding—like I full-on cringed while clicking the link. And not because I despise selfies (quite the opposite) but because I’d assumed that there would be a certain amateur quality to the photographs when you blur the line between photographer and subject. I still wrestle with whether taking photographs takes a person out the real life experience—and one’s wedding is a time when one should be fully present and immersed in the day itself. However, the resulting photographs are intimate and humble in a way I haven’t really seen in wedding photography before. I’ve heard some photographers say their camera is an extension of themselves, like a limb, and part of how they process the world, and I can see that sentiment coming through here. It’s not something I would have ever done, but the results here are really lovely and quite natural.
Stop Googling, let’s talk. The topic of how our phones are affecting our relationships isn’t anything new, but this op-ed hits right on my main concern with my own technology usage, and that is how technology is interfering with conversation and connection.
It happens in interpersonal relationships:
“[...] when two people are talking, the mere presence of a phone on a table between them or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel. People keep the conversation on topics where they won’t mind being interrupted. They don’t feel as invested in each other. Even a silent phone disconnects us.”
And it happens within ourselves:
“We turn time alone into a problem that needs to be solved with technology. [...] One start toward reclaiming conversation is to reclaim solitude. Some of the most crucial conversations you will ever have will be with yourself.”
To me it’s not an anti-technology rant, but rather a reminder that technology (and social media) is a tool that we get to decide when and how to use. I want technology to be a way for me to reach out to people I love—especially those far away now that we’ve moved, as well as my online communities that share my interests in a way that few people in my “real life” do. What I never want is technology to be a barrier between me and the people I’m physically present with.
*A related bonus link: Rookie’s new column, The Disconnect, featuring some lighthearted ideas for unplugging from technology. What would your monikered sandwich be? I think The Caiti would be a smoked salmon and scallion grilled cheese made with garlic bread. Perhaps with avocado on it as well? Mmm.
Hands down, my favorite recent read of the past few months has to be this article: The Myth of Quality Time. In many ways, I see its connection to the previous piece on technology and what arises when we make room for silence. We all live busy lives, and so often we try to maximize our time spent with one another by declaring “quality time,” “a shopworn phrase with a debatable promise: that we can plan instances of extraordinary candor, plot episodes of exquisite tenderness, engineer intimacy in an appointed hour.” In reality, so many of life’s best moments and connections happen with spontaneity and serendipity simply because we are there for each other, in a real, physical way.
It brings to mind a story from my own life, where I found myself exchanging pleasantries with a loved one I hadn’t seen in a while. When the conversation lulled a bit, I almost got up and left the room since I can admittedly get panicky with so-called awkward silences and usually try to avoid them at all costs. If my phone would have been nearby, I probably would have escaped to it as well. But I kept sitting there, through the silence, and it wasn’t long before he was opening up to me about the recent end of his relationship and the ways he was having a hard time. There’s no chance this would have occurred if hadn’t stayed present beyond the small talk and through a pause of silence.
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Random Bits: Lena Dunham has a new podcast. I'm also enjoying She Does, and have re-fallen for Call Your Girlfriend. I finally got into the Dublin Murder Squad series and quite enjoyed the first book. Currently reading Just Kids. Finding myself weirdly obsessed with the moon ever since this fall's supermoon eclipse; now I desperately want this necklace and this calendar. Also on my wishlist are these stunning mugs that I discovered through my favorite local donut shop. Heard this interview with Saoirse Ronan on NPR yesterday, which mostly made me homesick for Ireland due to her charming Irish accent, but it also made me check out the trailer for Brooklyn and it looks aaamazing (it's also rumored to be a possible Oscar contender).
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Thanks for reading, and as always, if you have any thoughts or would like to chat, feel free to leave a comment, email, or find me on my other social media.
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