A (Mostly) Portland Made Gift Guide: For Her.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Before we jump straight into Christmas, I just want to say I am grateful for each of you who has kept reading this blog, even through my various hiatuses and ups-and-downs. You da best :)

So, Christmas in the blog world basically means one thing: Gift guides! I wasn't entirely sure if I was going to put together a gift guide/wishlist as I have in year's past because I am constantly trying to focus more on the important parts of the holiday season including spending quality time with loved ones, eating good food, spreading cheer, and cultivating a spirit of generosity. I don't love the consumerism that has become synonymous with the holiday, so much so that it's doorbusters and deals are even overtaking Thanksgiving, a time where family and gratitude should be held sacred.

Also, while most of the gift guides I see are beautifully put together, they often feature national brands and products that are widely available—how many gift guides feature the likes of J. Crew, Bose, Crate & Barrel, etc.? From a blogger's perspective, they are of course interested in providing ideas from brands that people trust and can easily order—and I'm sure all those the affiliate links don't hurt either.

I want to challenge that idea a little and focus my gift guide on the many Portland brands out there. Portland has such a thriving independent and small business community and is full of some of the most wonderful creative people. It's easy to want to shop locally when you're surrounded by so many great shops and boutiques. But as the links show below, most of these items are also available online, and I hope you will check out some of their shops. Even if you don't end up getting any gift ideas from this post, I hope you learn about a cool Portland brand or two—or just get some ideas for things to look out for the next time you visit the Pacific Northwest!

My philosophy for gift buying tends to lean towards those little luxuries and fun treats that people might not indulge in for themselves. In both my "His" and "Her" gift guides, there are a few non-Oregon specific items just to round out the collection, but I will make note of those below.

1. Tatine Candle in One Rainy Wish, $17
These candles aren't actually made in Portland—Tatine is based out of Chicago—but I'm including them in this gift guide because they are sold locally at a cute boutique called Porchlight. Plus, "One Rainy Wish" just sounds like Portland, right?

2. Tiny Bar Necklace by Minoux Jewelry, $49
I own and love this simple, minimal necklace made by a local artist, which I first saw worn by the vlogger Essiebutton (anyone else love Esteé?). The shop also carries a variety of other simple statement pieces.  

3. Chambray Geo Dot Napkins by Nell & Mary, $45
I don't think I've ever seen chambray napkins before, and I'm in love. I love that they are natural looking but stylish, and I think they'd look great on a table set with white place settings. If you are local or visiting, Nell & Mary products can be found at their design shop North of West in downtown Portland.

4. Dragonfly Chai Concentrate, $7.99
Dragonfly's SweetTea Chai is hands down the best chai concentrate I've ever used and makes a killer iced chai. Unfortunately, I realized after making this guide that it cannot be ordered online, but you can find it in many grocery stores in Oregon and Washington. For anyone visiting Portland, give their cafe a visit; it's in NW Portland on Thurman.

5. Sea Mug by Covet & Ginger, $26
I first fell in love with Covet & Ginger mugs when visiting the amazing donut shop Pip's. They serve their hot drinks in these gorgeous hand-thrown mugs, which I later learned through an Instagram post were made by Covet & Ginger. They use Oregon clay, and many of their glazes are recycled (which accounts for that perfect cloudy/foggy look). They also offer a series of splatter mugs that are brushed with wax before they are fired, which burns away during firing, leaving the raw clay to shine through in places. So gorgeous.

6. Salty Caramels and Salty Honey Nut Chews from Jacobsen Salt Co., $13.95 each
Jacobsen's salt is harvested in the Pacific Northwest—the first people to do so since Lewis & Clark. Their salt offerings are obviously worth checking out, especially as a gift for the home cook, but I think their sweet and salty treats sound amazing. 

7. Where the Roses Smell the Best: A Literary Companion to Portland, $8.95
This collection of short stories, vignettes, poems, and art about what makes the city so unique would make a great gift for a local or anyone with an affinity for Rose City. It was collaborative project between students, community members and professional writers, helping to give students an inside look at the publishing process, which I think makes it even more special. I've linked to this book through Powell's website, which is a Portland institution and the largest indie bookstore in the world.

8. Smith Tea Assortment by Steven Smith Teamakers,  $13.50
Steven Smith was the founder and CEO of tea companies Tazo and Stash, and is credited for being responsible for America's modern tea renaissance. After he sold off his companies due to their success, he founded Steven Smith Teamakers, the headquarters of which are right down the street from my apartment. So far, I've only had their iced tea, which is incredible, but I'm eager to try the hot tea. This package contains an assortment of his most popular flavors. A version with slightly cuter packaging can also be found on the company's website for $14.99.

9. Wildwood by Colin Meloy, with illustrations by Carson Ellis, $8.99
This is one part fairy tale, one part coming-of-age story taking place in a strange, mysterious wooded forest next to Portland. The story is crafted by Portland resident Colin Meloy, singer and songwriter of The Decemberists, and illustrated by his wife, Carson Ellis. While I haven't read the story yet, I did buy it recently and the cover and illustrations are gorgeous. It would make a great gift for Portland lovers and book lovers alike.

10. Herbivore Botanicals skincare, $10 and up
I can't bear to pick out one or two products to recommend, so I will just refer you to the whole company. Herbivore is a natural skincare brand with a range of products from bath soaks to skin oils to clay masks. The designer in me loves their branding, and I think any of their products would make a great gift for someone who likes to pamper themselves. While you can order through their website or through their Etsy shop, they are also stocked at many boutiques across the US, so check their stockist page on their site.

11. Seagrape soap bars, $8 each
Seagrape Bath + Body is a company that uses natural oils, herbs, clays, and botanicals in their products with a focus on aromatheraputic scents. I purchases a sample of their essential oil perfumes a few years ago and thought they were great. The soap scents seem like they'd smell delicious: Lavender Orange, Bay Rum, and Spiced Chai, among others. I also love how they're packaged in recycled cardboard cartons.

12. Imaginary Authors perfume, $55-95 per bottle, $6 per sample
Each scent in the Imaginary Authors line tells a story through its notes, dreamed up by a uniquely wonderful imaginary author. Like a good book, these scents are layered and complex, meant to inspire you through their narratives. Be sure to check out the stories created for each scent. It's such a funky and fun take on fragrances, isn't it? They are available through the Imaginary Authors website, or through the adorable Portland shop-in-an-Airstream-trailer, Menagerie.

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Stay tuned for the For Him guide, coming in the next day or two!

What I Read in October.

My reading has slowed down considerably this year, especially over the summer months when we were preparing for and moving to Portland. It got to the point where my Goodreads goal of 40 books had to be lowered or I'd have had no hopes of achieving it. But as someone kindly pointed out to me, when I set that goal in January, I had no idea we'd be moving across the country this year, so I shouldn't beat myself up over it. Fair point :)

In October, I was able to squeeze in six books, mostly because I've been leaning more towards shorter reads so I can play a little bit of catch up. I'm trying to remind myself that I feel so much better when I spend my time reading than when I mindlessly watch yet another episode of some TV show on Netflix (that I've probably already seen at least twice). If you'd like to hear me talk about these books instead, I have a monthly wrap up for these books over on my YouTube channel.

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Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

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Ta-Nehisi Coates wrote Between the World and Me as a letter to his 15-year-old son on the topic of race in America and discusses what it is like to be an African American man in this country. In every review of this book I've seen, people use the words "powerful" and "important," and I couldn't agree more. I would also add that it is a raw, poetic, heart-breaking and necessary read. I think it could be a very valuable book for all Americans, and especially those who are not people of color, and I would not be surprised if this book is adapted into school curricula. I think it's so important that we expose ourselves to perspectives and experiences different than our own and to foster empathy for marginalized groups, and think that this book is an important way to do that. It's not a book that provides answers, but I think it helped me to foster more understanding and context for the current racial climate in this country.

Rating: ☆☆☆☆ 1/2

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Before I Go to Sleep by S.J. Watson

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Before I Go to Sleep is a psychological thriller focused on a woman who experiences amnesia every night when she goes to sleep, so she wakes up each day not knowing most details about her life, including where she is or who she is married to. I picked it up because I was interested in a creepy-but-not-scary read for October and thought this might fit the bill. I was pretty disappointed in it though. It was somewhat of a page-turner, but I found the plot of the story to be repetitive and the character development lacking, since the main character's history had to be explained to her over and over each day. Even though I haven't read many psychological thrillers, this one did not feel unique; it had that cheesy, over-dramatic feel of a typical Lifetime movie.

Rating: ☆☆

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In the Woods by Tana French

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My second attempt at reading a dark-but-not-scary book was much more successful. In the Woods is the first book in Tana French's Dublin Murder Squad series, and focuses on two cases: The unsolved mystery of two children that disappeared in the woods of an Irish town in the 1980s, and then the present-day murder of a young girl in the very same woods. The book focuses on a detective team as they attempt to solve the murder and investigate the possible connection between the two cases. Even though this is crime fiction, I found it to be much more akin to literary fiction. The writing was solid and the characters complex, multifaceted, and infuriating at times. The theme of friendship was present throughout the book, and the author examines the various moments when friendships cross a line from innocent to destructive. Overall it far surpassed my expectations, and I'm eager to continue on with the other books in the series.

Rating: ☆☆☆☆ 1/2

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The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

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The House on Mango Street is a modern classic YA/children's book, but it was one that I missed out on reading when I was young. The book is a series of vignettes—not quite separate short stories, but also not a cohesively plotted chapter book. The vignettes give a glimpse into the life of Esperanza, a young girl coming of age in a poor, Latino neighborhood in Chicago. I didn't dislike this book, but I did feel somewhat indifferent towards it when I was done. It didn't have the depth I wanted it to, perhaps due to the simple language, the lack of structure, or simply due to the fact that I should have read it in my younger years.

Rating: ☆☆☆

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What's Your Story? by Brandon Doman

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The book What's Your Story? is based on Brandon Doman's The Strangers Project, in which he offered random strangers in New York City a blank piece of paper and asked them to share their story, whatever it may be. The book is a collection of these stories and letters. Overall, I really liked the collection and found them to be a mix of confessional and heartfelt. It was fascinating to see similar threads and ideas pop up in different people's letters, and it really reinforced the idea that we have more in common with each other than we'd assume. I'd recommend checking it out if you like collaborative projects like Humans of New York or PostSecret.

Rating: ☆☆☆☆

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Audacity by Melanie Crowder

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I saved the best for last—Audacity was my favorite read of the month, and will likely be one of my top favorites of the year. It's not a book I hear anyone talking about, so I feel like I need to persuade everyone to read it! I'll be doing a separate book review on my Youtube channel for it. It is a YA historical fiction novel written in verse, based on the real-life young activist/feminist, Clara Lemlich. Clara's family escapes religious persecution in Russia in the early 1900's by immigrating to the US and settling in New York City. Clara fights to pursue her education but also has to work to help support her family. She finds employment in the city's sweatshops, where she quickly becomes disturbed by the abuse and mistreatment of workers. Unable to keep quiet in the face of injustice, she fights to form a worker's union that women are able to join and becomes a significant voice in the labor rights movement. Clara's tenacity, determination, and feisty nature was inspiring, and I wish I would have had this book when I was a teen. It contains a wonderful message about the importance in fighting for social justice and standing up for what you believe in.

Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆

Have you read anything good recently?

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Selling Your First Home

When the realtor emailed to tell us we received our first offer on our condo, I cried. And not because I was happy (though I was). I cried because it was the first time it really sank in that Illinois was no longer "home," and that our beloved space would soon be occupied by someone else.

After I posted my moving vlog, someone left a comment saying that I seemed very sad, and they hoped that there was something for me to look forward to in Portland. I was sort of taken aback, for Portland was something we’d dreamed about and talked about ad nauseam for years. But that doesn’t erase the history we have in Illinois, the place we spent the vast majority of our lives thus far, the place where we created a home together filled with countless memories and stories. New beginnings, even the happiest ones, are not possible without the end of something else, so of course I was going to be sad. The more places I go and experience and love, the more places I leave little pieces of my heart behind.

Almost as soon as I came to accept that the condo would soon be someone else’s, that first offer on the condo fell through due to the buyer’s financing. And then I was sad (and stressed) for an entirely different reason.

But within two days we had a second offer. There were less emotions the second time around—perhaps because I’d started to learn that the process of selling real estate is uncertain and complicated and NOT EASY, and I wasn’t going to allow myself feel excited until the deal was set in stone.

And I basically held my breath for the entire month of the closing process. At one point, we were sure the deal was going to fall through. Even our lawyer and realtor were breaking out the nails for the coffin. Basically, the buyer’s inspector had given him incorrect information about electrical codes, and the buyer was demanding that we do a complete re-wiring of the unit and threatening to break the contract over it. Which is ridiculous, because 1) the whole building is wired the same way—and had never had an issue, and 2) the inspector had used building codes that didn’t apply to our pre-1970s building. Luckily we had a great team working for us and our lawyer fought back hard to make the buyer understand that his demands were completely out of line. And he eventually cooled his jets, and the condo closed on October 29th after a few days of Mark dealing with hundreds of emails and overnighting paperwork from Oregon to Illinois.

Oh, and wire-transferring a decent chunk of money to our bank. Because, yes, we had to pay our bank in order to “sell” our condo.

(Caution: You’re now entering the mildly bitter portion of my emotional rollercoaster of selling our first home.)



We purchased our condo in April of 2008, at 25 and 26 years old (five months before our wedding), after years of hearing from older, well-meaning relatives that renting is “throwing money away” (I’d now like to send those relatives an invoice for the money we paid the bank, tbh). We thought it was smart, we thought we were being responsible and “adult” in settling down for a while. We thought prices from the housing bubble had come down.

And then fall of 2008 happened. It’s a classic tale of bad timing. The financial crisis and subsequent recession took the value of our $147,000 condo and stomped on it. At the lowest point—I want to say it was somewhere in 2010 or 2011—it wasn’t even hitting $95,000 according to Zillow. In that time we both lost our jobs in the building industry (but, luckily, not at the same time). Whereas we’d originally planned on being in the condo for 4-5 years and then think about moving west, we could only focus on present circumstances and hope that the value of our condo would rise again someday.

And it did—slowly, but not entirely. Our sale price was much less than what we bought it for, and effectively turned all those mortgage payments into rent. Mark did the math, and what we paid over 7+ years in the condo equated to about $600/month in rent—which is probably close to half the typical rent for 2BR units in Oak Park. It could have been a lot worse though, like it has been for many other people. So I guess there’s one silver lining. {Correction: Apparently I don't listen when it comes to math/numbers, because Mark has corrected me and told me that the $$$ we lost ends up more than average rents in Oak Park. Numbers are confusing.}

I’m being too harsh because the honest truth is we LOVED our condo and LOVED living in Oak Park (again let me refer you to my moving vlog and my #caitiwalksoakpark hashtag). It was home. In the weeks leading up to our move to Portland, I wished so many times that I could pick up the entire town and just make it a new neighborhood of Portland. Being an owner came with its own benefits as well—mainly the lack of a landlord to be accountable to and the ability to make the space truly yours (except for doormats; upon moving in we were quickly emailed by the condo association and told that doormats were strictly VERBOTEN and a fire hazard. Insert eyeroll emoji).



However, seven years of ownership has been a learning experience. I can fairly confidently say that I will never again buy a condo as a real estate investment. Maybe we’ll live in a condo later in life when downsizing as empty nesters or retirees, but the next place we purchase will be a home and will be someplace we intend to stay indefinitely. If and when we have children heading out on their own, I will not demonize renting as “throwing money away,” but as an option that allows you freedom and flexibility before you’re ready to commit to somewhere for the long haul. I’m not convinced of the idea of real estate as a worthy investment, particularly in the form of a condo. Not in the world I came of age in.

Another lesson has been to have so much more compassion for all parties involved in a real estate transaction. I've witnessed so many friends who are first-time homebuyers complain about sellers being such assholes for turning down offers and not coming down enough on their sale price. If those sellers are anything like us, sometimes you CAN'T go any lower without being underwater. Not everyone is trying to make a profit off of you; some people are just trying to make a hit hurt less. You have no idea what someone else's story is.

But we are onto a new chapter now. We are condo-free and mortgage-free, having returned to life as renters in Portland. I’m not sure what our future in real estate holds, particularly in this area. The Portland housing market is insane, with average housing prices around $350k+ for a small (and often less than pristine condition) bungalow. We’re still being told by relatives to keep our eyes open for good real estate deals to jump on, but honestly, that’s the farthest thing from my mind. $350k is well out of our range anyways, and we have to re-build our entire down payment after not making it back in the condo sale.

For now, the flexibility to choose a place to live within walking distance to downtown, to explore different neighborhoods, and to not be tied to any one location is worth being a renter to me. I no longer look at it as throwing money away but buying freedom. I think attitudes towards owning real estate have grown more skeptical among young people who experienced the recession—or it has just become a completely unachievable goal for many in our current world—but Mark and I had to live it to learn it.

Link Love: October

Today’s links all happened to connect to the idea of technology, especially how it is influencing us. I’m constantly trying to delineate my boundaries with technology in a world where the lines are becoming more and more blurred. It’s obviously on other people’s minds as well, given the recent viral story about the Instagram model who “quit” social media, though I’m not interested in discussing her scenario specifically—more so the more subtle gray areas that lie between the demonization and evangelicalism of technology/social media.

Over the past month, I considered shuttering my blog and starting a newsletter instead—primarily just to share links/thoughts posts just like this. While I decided it’s not yet time to transition, I am keeping the idea in mind for the future. Are newsletters the Internet’s new safe space for women? This article looks at the rise of email newsletters, particularly among women writers and creators. As online environments have become more toxic and comments sections are a place where trolls often lurk, it can be challenging to share your voice without backlash of some kind—especially as women and even more so as feminist women. Through my own online activities, I have thankfully dealt with only a small dose of creepy and unwelcome comments, but I also know I’ve purposely held back my liberal, social justice-leaning opinions for fear of becoming a target of online trolling. I am certainly attracted to the idea of an opt-in, less public space where I can share my thoughts and interests with a small group of women (and men, too, if they want, but a community of women has and will always be my primary interest). In some ways, communicating through email feels like a throwback to old school pen pal letters.

The article mentions Lena Dunham’s new project called Lenny, which I enjoy, but I’d also like to endorse journalist Ann Friedman’s weekly links and my booktube friend Rincey’s Five on Friday. 

The topic of “personal branding” is something that equally fascinates and horrifies me,  and I enjoyed reading through journalist Ann Friedman’s experience with a personal branding consultant (along with her own hesitations)—Me, Inc.: The paradoxical, pressure-filled quest to build a “personal brand.” I understand the idea on a professional level, especially having studied and worked in marketing and advertising. It’s far easier to promote something, including yourself, when you can distill your offerings down to a punchy tagline or elevator speech. Plus there’s the whole notion that it’s better and more marketable to have a singular focus than to have lots of different interests and pursuits—jack of all trades, master of none, after all.

However, I really, really hate the idea of personal branding on a human level. We’re obviously so much more complex than that, and I fear what will come out of our reductive tendency to want to put others into boxes we can label and categorize, and what happens when people defy these boundaries. I’ve been thinking a lot about this in regards to social media, particularly as a creator (although not currently a very productive one, which is a separate problem). I’ve noticed how a lot of people will make separate Twitter or Youtube accounts to compartmentalize their content; I’ve watched Instagrammers grow in popularity when they settle on a specific photo style and subject matter that they repeat ad nauseum; personal blogs are out, lifestyle/business blogs are the norm. Etcetera.

I tend to resist niche-ing myself, and I desire my work (and social media) to be a reflection of the multitudes within myself. I quit my book-centric Instagram because I felt like I was far more interested in people’s lives, and sharing my own stories, than yet another pretty photo of a book (which all start to blend together after a while). I’ve even been wrestling with my approach to my bookish Youtube channel, particularly because there are other topics I want to talk about but that lie outside the scope of books and what has been established as the norm by the booktube community itself. Of course, I recognize that multi-faceted authenticity and honesty is impossible given the limits of one photo, one 140-character tweet, one blog post or video. We're all adapting a performative or public persona of sorts through the things we choose to create and promote. But can anyone be successful (whether that be in terms of skill, money, community, or notoriety) without a narrowly defined focus/brand/message? And, if you choose not to specialize, does your personality inherently become your "brand?" (and that's weird in and of itself). I don’t have any definitive conclusions on this, but it is on my mind as a person who loves and uses the internet. 

I fully expected to hate this article about a photographer that decided to photograph own wedding—like I full-on cringed while clicking the link. And not because I despise selfies (quite the opposite) but because I’d assumed that there would be a certain amateur quality to the photographs when you blur the line between photographer and subject. I still wrestle with whether taking photographs takes a person out the real life experience—and one’s wedding is a time when one should be fully present and immersed in the day itself. However, the resulting photographs are intimate and humble in a way I haven’t really seen in wedding photography before. I’ve heard some photographers say their camera is an extension of themselves, like a limb, and part of how they process the world, and I can see that sentiment coming through here. It’s not something I would have ever done, but the results here are really lovely and quite natural.

Stop Googling, let’s talk. The topic of how our phones are affecting our relationships isn’t anything new, but this op-ed hits right on my main concern with my own technology usage, and that is how technology is interfering with conversation and connection.

It happens in interpersonal relationships:

“[...] when two people are talking, the mere presence of a phone on a table between them or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel. People keep the conversation on topics where they won’t mind being interrupted. They don’t feel as invested in each other. Even a silent phone disconnects us.”

And it happens within ourselves:

“We turn time alone into a problem that needs to be solved with technology. [...] One start toward reclaiming conversation is to reclaim solitude. Some of the most crucial conversations you will ever have will be with yourself.”

To me it’s not an anti-technology rant, but rather a reminder that technology (and social media) is a tool that we get to decide when and how to use. I want technology to be a way for me to reach out to people I love—especially those far away now that we’ve moved, as well as my online communities that share my interests in a way that few people in my “real life” do. What I never want is technology to be a barrier between me and the people I’m physically present with.

*A related bonus link: Rookie’s new column, The Disconnect, featuring some lighthearted ideas for unplugging from technology. What would your monikered sandwich be? I think The Caiti would be a smoked salmon and scallion grilled cheese made with garlic bread. Perhaps with avocado on it as well? Mmm.

Hands down, my favorite recent read of the past few months has to be this article: The Myth of Quality Time. In many ways, I see its connection to the previous piece on technology and what arises when we make room for silence. We all live busy lives, and so often we try to maximize our time spent with one another by declaring “quality time,” “a shopworn phrase with a debatable promise: that we can plan instances of extraordinary candor, plot episodes of exquisite tenderness, engineer intimacy in an appointed hour.” In reality, so many of life’s best moments and connections happen with spontaneity and serendipity simply because we are there for each other, in a real, physical way. 

It brings to mind a story from my own life, where I found myself exchanging pleasantries with a loved one I hadn’t seen in a while. When the conversation lulled a bit, I almost got up and left the room since I can admittedly get panicky with so-called awkward silences and usually try to avoid them at all costs. If my phone would have been nearby, I probably would have escaped to it as well. But I kept sitting there, through the silence, and it wasn’t long before he was opening up to me about the recent end of his relationship and the ways he was having a hard time. There’s no chance this would have occurred if hadn’t stayed present beyond the small talk and through a pause of silence.

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Random Bits: Lena Dunham has a new podcast. I'm also enjoying She Does, and have re-fallen for Call Your Girlfriend. I finally got into the Dublin Murder Squad series and quite enjoyed the first book. Currently reading Just Kids. Finding myself weirdly obsessed with the moon ever since this fall's supermoon eclipse; now I desperately want this necklace and this calendar. Also on my wishlist are these stunning mugs that I discovered through my favorite local donut shop. Heard this interview with Saoirse Ronan on NPR yesterday, which mostly made me homesick for Ireland due to her charming Irish accent, but it also made me check out the trailer for Brooklyn and it looks aaamazing (it's also rumored to be a possible Oscar contender).

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Thanks for reading, and as always, if you have any thoughts or would like to chat, feel free to leave a comment, email, or find me on my other social media.

Illinois to Oregon.

Well, hello there. It's been a while, hasn't it? Mark and I made it to Oregon and are settling in nicely. I plan on writing a post with my thoughts on moving and how we're adjusting to Portland, but until I gather my thoughts, I wanted to share the video I put together of our moving process and the road trip we took across the country. I'm happy with the way it came out, and I'm sure I'll be glad to have this to look back on in the future! More to come soon from our adventures in Oregon.

June's Favorite Things & Musings

Stumptown Coffee
Somehow, over the past six months, I've become a coffee drinker, after years of preferring tea. I'm pretty sure I attribute this shift to our Europe trip last year, where a daily Wiener melange was a typical start to my morning. I got a Moka pot not long after returning from our trip, and tried buying whole beans for the first time, which I ground fresh each morning. And boy, does quality coffee and the proper grind make all the difference. I've been loving Stumptown beans lately, which is fortuitous, given our upcoming move to Portland (and I'm excited to try Coava and Heart once we move and I empty my current bag!). While I don't yet have an advanced enough palate to taste the individual flavor notes, I have enjoyed bags of Holler Mountain, Costa Rica Montes de Oro, and Ethiopian Duromina. I tend to like the ones that are described as sweeter and having fruity notes—though to me, they just taste smooth and delicious.

Yulin Kuang
Yulin is a YouTuber who has a background in filmmaking, and I really enjoyed binging on all her content this month. Her videos are heartfelt and poetic and quirky in the best way. My favorites have to be her newest short about Emily, a feline filmmaker, and her "Thinking Out Loud" series, which is her unique spin on vlogging, though I'd describe it as more akin to visual journal entries.

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
I finished reading A Little Life this month, which, if you recall, I mentioned in my last "Five Thoughts" post. I still haven't recovered from the experience, and have been unable to get into another book since then. A Little Life is a wonderful piece of literature, but it is entirely emotionally draining. As I wrote in my Goodreads review, the book destroyed me. Yanaghiara masterfully takes us into the lives and minds of the characters, particularly the enigmatic Jude, and the story explores themes of friendship, love, and what it means to be present for the pains and pleasures of another's life. Upon finishing the book, I've been interested in how so many people are hesitant to recommend this book to others, or do so with a barrage of trigger warnings (understandably so). But I found this quote in an interview with the author in which she discusses her thoughts on avoiding difficult subject matter: "Much as I hope the reader is there in this book to bear witness to Jude’s life and his suffering, we equally owe it as humans to witness other humans’ suffering as well, and not turn away because it makes us uncomfortable." I think this idea is really important, and it is one of those character traits that takes cultivation and practice and stumbling and trying again. A Little Life certainly forced me to lean into the discomfort of someone's painful history, and even as a piece of fiction it helped make me more compassionate and empathetic.

Beneath the Skin by Of Monsters & Men
I was a fan of OM&M's first album, and I'm quite enjoying their second release. It doesn't really break any new ground or explore different sounds, but sometimes you don't want a band to change that much. I quite like the songs Wolves Without Teeth and I of the Storm. Spotify | Amazon.

The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows
This is an old favorite I rediscovered this month. The creator, John Koenig, is assembling a collection of invented words aiming to describe emotions that we don't have specific language for yet. The videos for each word are gorgeous, melancholy, and thought-provoking. Sonder is an old favorite, but I'm slowly working my way through the rest of the collection and looking forward to future words.

Loud Places by Jamie XX
If there's one song that got more play than any other this month, it was Loud Places. I'm 100% addicted to this beat and melody and Romy's gorgeous voice. Every time it plays on Spotify, my headphone volume uncontrollably raises 40%. (For the record, this song aside, I find the rest of the Jamie XX album fairly obnoxious and totes not my jam.)


Mary | heyclaire
Claire Marshall is one of my favorite YouTubers—her videos are always so well done with amazing editing. In her latest video, she demonstrates her skills as a storyteller as well, letting viewers into her experience as her mother battles with dementia and Alzheimer's. Warning: It's a tear-jerker, but so beautiful and touching. I was crying from the very beginning, but when she described how the nurses help keep her mother calm, I totally lost it.




A Few Random Articles Worth Checking Out:
How to Stage Your Home for Living via The Minimalists
How I Turned a 3-month Sabbatical into 7 Years of Traveling the World via Harper's Bazaar
Trying is Always Worth It via Alexandra Franzen

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Did this post resonate with you? Email me at rootswingswanderings {at} gmail {dot} com or join me on Twitter @cait_lindsey to share your thoughts. I'd love to hear from you!

Coffee Chat // June 3, 2015

1. Do you know what I'm grateful for? I'm so glad I have grown out of the idea that, as a female, guys make better friends. There was a time in my early college years when I believed this, mainly because I was interested in having fun, doing stupid things, and—let's be honest—drinking, and the boys were always game for that. As I've matured, I've come to value and champion female friendships in a deep, elemental way—so much so that it's jarring for me to encounter women against women. It happened recently, in a room of mostly ladies no less, and the reasoning was the stereotypical "girls are too dramatic/catty/etc." My reactions were as follows: 1) This person needs new lady friends; 2) I feel sad for her; and 3) With those explicit views, this is a person I would not really want to develop a meaningful relationship with—thus, doesn't become a self-fulfilling prophecy for her? While I'm still on the journey towards deeper, soul-satisfying ladyfriendships (and will be starting from scratch in a new city very soon), the women who are a part of my life right now are beautiful and intelligent and powerful and talented and soulful. I am so lucky for that, and I can't fathom writing off half the population based on your own perceptions. My threshold for friendship is not just what's "easy" or "fun"—I also want inspiration and growth. What would happen if we viewed lady friends as a part of our life's love story? Or maybe as a spiritual practice? Why don't we build each other up instead of tearing each other down?

2. The more women I talk to of similar age to myself, the more I encounter ambivalence towards motherhood. It might be a case of selection bias, since it's something on my mind and in opening up about it with others I'm giving them space to express their own doubts, but it still surprised me to hear my own feelings reflected in other women. I spent a lot of time feeling strange about my indecision. You either want kids or you don't; it's not really a choice you can half-choose! But here I am, and now I see that I'm not alone in the middle ground. I believe my life would be satisfying with children and satisfying without. I want a family (in whatever form that takes), and I want creative pursuits and friendships entirely separate from my family life. Basically, I have a "whatever happens, happens" attitude about having kids, but when you have some physical/health considerations that might make getting pregnant difficult (let's not even talk about my fears surrounding actually being pregnant), it is sort of pushing me to make an intentional choice, especially as the clock is ticking. It's a challenging position to be in. If you're in a similar ambivalent place, just know you aren't alone.

3. I'm currently reading A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara, and it is one of the most intense and heart-wrenching reading experiences I've had in a long time. It's about a group of male friends in New York City figuring out their adult lives post-college. In particular, it focuses on one man who had a unfathomably horrendous childhood that has left lasting emotional effects on him. I'm two-thirds through and think it's an incredible book, but the subject matter is quite difficult and sometimes graphic, and it could be triggering if you are sensitive to depictions of abuse. I think it's going to be a very popular book of 2015 and recommend it if you enjoy heavy, emotional reads.

4. In preparing for our move and temporary downsizing, I've been selling, donating, and purging a ton of stuff. Getting rid of the clutter I don't want honestly feels a million times better than shopping ever has—and I need to remember this in the future. Related: Watching minimalist YouTubers (such as Light by Coco, Carrie Leighanna, and My Green Closet) while I'm packing has been such great motivation for not holding onto unnecessary things.

5. So, I'm excited to move to Portland, don't get me wrong, but I've still been feeling stressed and nervous. It's a huge change we're about to make! I am a person that does okay with change so long as I know what to expect (hello, Control Freak) but right now there are just so many unknowns. Through all the emotions, little signs of Portland have been popping up left and right. While sorting papers, I'd open a random notebook to find an old list of places in Portland I wanted to visit the first time we traveled there in 2007. I'll go on Instagram and see a photo taken of the bridge near our first choice apartment that we just applied for. The Painted Hills I see on Pinterest turn out to not be in China as I assumed, but in Oregon. These droplets feel like hints from the universe that I'm on the right path, even in the midst of the nerves and craziness, and it's a little breath of comfort to me.

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While commenting has been disabled on my recent posts, these "Five Thoughts" posts have always been a great place for me to have discussions and get feedback about things on my mind, so I've opened comments for this post. If you have any thoughts or comments to share, please do! As always, I can also be reached by email at rootswingswanderings {at} gmail {dot} com or on Twitter @cait_lindsey.

Another New Beginning.

Two weeks after I'd declared that I was 100% no longer focused on the idea of moving to Portland, Oregon, I am happy and bewildered to announce that we are 100% moving to Portland. We even have a date: July 10th. Whoa, dudes, shit is getting real.

Things never seem to happen the way you're expecting them to, do they?

If you are a Twitter friend or follow me on Instagram, you might have already seen my announcements/excessive use of exclamation points (and thank you to those of you excited for us!). But I still want to record the full story, if for no one other than my future self. This feels like one of those Big Moments that I'll want to look back on someday.

For years, Mark and I have talked about moving to Portland, Oregon. Anyone close to us has probably grown sick of hearing us mention it, and even you long-time blog readers likely know we've wanted to get out of Chicago. Living in Ireland for eight months gave us a temporary escape, but it didn't stop us from craving a change. If anything, it made us even more eager to be in a place with more access to nature, hiking, and beautiful scenery than Illinois offered.

We made our first visit to the Pacific Northwest in 2007 as an unofficial "could we see ourselves living here?" trip. No surprise, we loved it, and have each made trips back to Portland individually. Occasionally, I'd throw out a job application to places in Portland, but as someone who's experience is mostly admin-y and marketing in nature, I'm sure there was no reason for my resume to be favored over local applicants with similar experience.

Fast-forward to the last few months, when Mark grew a bit stir-crazy with his job of over six years. It seemed like a logical time for us to try and make a move happen, especially since he has more specialized experience that no doubt made him an attractive candidate. First came an almost job offer in Boulder, Colorado, but that fell through when the company lost a few projects. Then a company in Portland contacted Mark, interviewing him multiple times and flying him out to Portland. I'd tried to keep my expectations in check after the disappointment over Boulder, but I think both of us felt like, hey, this could really happen. That was, until the offer came in, and the numbers were—how shall I put it—sucktastic. *Womp, womp.* We both knew it was the right move to walk away from this scenario.

(Now, here's where things got interesting, in my opinion.)

After two moving-related disappointments, it spun me into a mini-existential crisis. Is it really so bad where we live? As my #caitiwalksoakpark pictures can attest, I love my beautiful town, so that's not the problem. How much of my brain power over the past several years had been spent focused on somewhere other than my present moment, and what harm was that doing to my everyday life and relationships? When I asked myself these questions, it struck me how I'd been keeping one foot out the door. I hadn't really invested myself in my community, I'd kept many friendships at arms length, I didn't care to get to know Chicago more intimately: I treated everything as temporary and not worth investing in more deeply because I'd leave it all behind if I could.

And I was ashamed—I don't want to live my life this way. So I decided I was DONE. I wasn't giving up on my Portland dreams (as a few people suggested). Instead, I felt like I was choosing my present, and committing to creating a beautiful life regardless of my location. When I scrapped my blog and decided to start over, I was doing so in part because I realized that many posts were wrapped up in this idea of wanting to be somewhere else. Bringing it back to my blog title, there was a little too much wandering and not enough roots, and I wanted to shift the balance.

So when Mark told me he'd randomly thrown his resume at a Portland job opening on LinkedIn, I was a touch pissy to have to go through the uncertainty again (sorry, Mark). But he assured me it was just "out of curiosity" and that nothing would come of it. So I continued on with my root-building plan. I got ahold of an old acquaintance that lives in my town and who I kept saying I should hang out with, started visiting the animal shelter for a new cat, began scoping out local events for the summer months, and decided to make a few home improvement upgrades.

But then the company wanted to interview Mark. Again: "I'll just do it out of curiosity." Mmm hmm.

Well, curiosity got this cat a job offer, and a very good one at that. It's a great opportunity, both professionally and financially, in a city we've always wanted to experience. So we have to give it a go. It just feels right to greet this kind of serendipitous situation with a big "YES."

I don't know how to make sense of what happened, or how things flip flopped so quickly. Maybe letting go of my Portland expectations allowed some new energy to flow in. Maybe my little existential crisis and associated lessons were what the Universe intended me to learn from living here. Now that I have a better perspective, perhaps I'm free to move on as a marginally wiser person.  Who knows.

But come July 2nd, we will leave our beautiful little town and start making our way west to begin a new chapter, in which I'm hoping I will both put down roots and stretch my wings wide.

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Did this post resonate with you? Email me at rootswingswanderings {at} gmail {dot} com or join me on Twitter @cait_lindsey to share your thoughts. I'd love to hear from you!

Hello, Again.

Lately, I've been reminding myself: You can always start again. 

Feeling restless? Try something new. Don't like ____ activity anymore? Stop doing it. Don't like where you live or work? Move on, or change your perspective.

As simple and obvious and cliche as this advice seems, it can be too easy for me to worry about the labels I might receive. Flaky. Unreliable. Disappointing. Quitter. While I've come to accept the fact that there is no "one size fits all" life and my path is not going to resemble anyone else's, I'm still working on releasing the need to please and appease the people around me. My ugly truth: I crave external validation. And it can drive a person crazy, trying to both follow your heart and make others happy.

What matters—more than anyone else's opinions or expectations or desire to follow The Plan—is whether YOU want to do something or not. Whether a choice feels good to you, down in your bones.

I've been applying this method of thinking to almost everything I've been doing lately. Take graphic design, for example. Every time I sat down to work on a project for someone, I felt my energy drain and my mood waver between apathetic and mildly disgruntled. Not a good sign, right? But I kept telling myself that designing "made sense." It was the only way I could connect the dots between my education, the jobs I've had in the past, and the place I find myself now. And I kept getting little ego boosts of external validation when people asked me to create something for them or praised my work. Compliments are like a drug to the insecure. And of course I kept saying yes to new projects because I didn't want to let anyone down.

But when I listen to myself, I know design is not something I want to keep doing. There's no big, dramatic reason for this. Nor is there much of a Plan B beyond the desire to open up some space for new interests and ideas to emerge.

I also desired some changes with my blog, so we are starting fresh in this space. I was admittedly inspired by Nicole at Life Less Bullshit, who recently deleted her archive after feeling like she wanted a new start and the ability to evolve personally and professionally.

As it previously stood, my blog wasn't something that I felt good about anymore, which is probably why I hadn't been spending much time on it. In a nutshell, the blog seemed like just another way for me to seek validation. And any blog attention I was getting was for for stuff that I now consider to be of little importance, stuff I've grown cynical of (*cough*capsule wardrobes*cough*). So it's out with the old, and I will rebuild. Maybe the changes in my writing won't even be that noticeable to anyone except me, but I hope to move towards more honesty, storytelling, and heart-driven words.

One last note: I've closed the comments on my blog; that decision goes hand-in-hand with the desire to stop seeking validation. Perhaps eliminating the option to converse defies the point of a blog to some, and maybe it'll eventually make me feel like I'm shouting into a void, but it's something I need to do at this point to let myself find my natural writing voice again. I'm certainly still interested in connecting more personally (something I've always preferred anyways), so I'll be including a footnote at the end of each post with my email and Twitter links, where your thoughts will always be welcomed.

Cheers to new beginnings, whenever you decide you want them.

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Did this post resonate with you? Email me at rootswingswanderings {at} gmail {dot} com or join me on Twitter @cait_lindsey to share your thoughts. I'd love to hear from you!

Skillshare : Mini Class Reviews

One of my favorite creative resources is Skillshare, the online learning platform that offers classes on a wide range of subjects from photography to marketing to design to cooking. I've mentioned my love for the site before, but since I last mentioned it, I've participated in several more of their classes, which I wanted to review today. This is totally not sponsored—I just enjoy the site. Learning and Creativity are two of my eight core values, so when I find a site that combines the two, I'm basically destined to love it. I think Skillshare is an awesome way for beginners to get a basic introduction to new topics and for more experienced creative people to learn new tricks and techniques (and if you are someone with kick-ass creative skills already, you could teach a class on the site and earn a little side income!).

There are usually around 6-12 video lessons in each course, as well as a class assignment where the teacher asks you to apply the principles of the class to a project that you share on a course message board. An example of an assignment for the "Ins & Outs of Illustrator" class is shown below, where we practiced Illustrator techniques by replicating an existing advertisement (note: original poster is not my own and was used for non-commercial, personal education purposes only).

I love that Skillshare membership is now structured so you pay for monthly access, much like Netflix streaming, instead of paying per class. I think it's definitely worth the cost, particularly if you binge on classes like I tend to do, or if you select one of the Skillshare learning tracks like "Build Your Brand" or "Unlocking Your Creativity." Since most classes tend to be only about an hour in total length, I wouldn't say that you'll come away with a staggering amount of new knowledge, but I'm consistently surprised by the tips and tricks I pick up on through the courses. I love that the short videos allow you to squeeze in a lesson whenever you have a free few minutes.

Here are the classes I've taken, along with some mini-reviews. I've divided them into two lists; the first section is the classes I'd highly recommend, and the second is ones that I got a little bit less value from, though I'd still check them out if you are interested in the topics. For a preview of the class contents, just click on the title of the course and you should be able to watch the first video for each class. If you're interesting in taking a few classes and getting your first month free, please feel free to use my referral link here!

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CLASSES I ENJOYED

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Mobile Post Production: Editing Your Photos by Dan Rubin - This was a quick, awesome class on iPhone photography taught by one of Instagram's original beta testers. It mostly focused on the editing of photos, and I learned how to better use many apps I already had on my phone (like Snapseed and VSCO). I feel my iPhone photos have gotten a lot better and more clear since going through this class.

Crafting a Brand Identity by Courtney Eliseo - This class is all about expanding a brand logo into a full brand identity including color palettes, fonts, and supporting graphics/patterns. I think this class would be invaluable to any blogger who desires a consistent identity or "look" for their blog without having to hire a designer. I found this class more in depth than many others I've taken on Skillshare. I think it would be best to take this class with a working knowledge of Adobe Illustrator or Photoshop—which, if you don't have, you can get through another Skillshare class! :)

The First Steps of Hand Lettering by Mary Kate McDevitt - Mary Kate's hand lettering is everywhere, and I was so excited to sign up for a class from her. The most valuable part of the class for me wasn't necessarily her teachings on hand-lettering but seeing how her process worked. It's easy for me to assume artists get it right straight out of the pencil/brush, but Mary Kate made it feel normal to sketch things out and erase/redraw/erase/redraw. My class project still isn't finished, but I feel so much better about the quote I lettered I expected to when I started the class. She also offers a follow-up to this class that deals with adding color and texture to complete your illustrated quote.

Ins and Outs of Illustrator by Brad Woodward - This was my very first Skillshare class, which I signed up for because Illustrator is my weak spot of the Adobe programs. Brad didn't always seem like the most confident teacher and the video quality was sometimes lacking, but his lessons were good. The above image (on the right) is my version of the class assignment, and although it's not done yet, it was a good exercise for me to learn some new techniques. I need to go back over the final lessons on texture and patterns. He also offers lots of advanced Illustrator classes.

Pattern Design: Creating Inspiring Repeats by Elizabeth Olwen - This class is about creating repeating surface pattern designs that you might find on fabric or products like phone cases. I've always wondered how to create a repeating design, and this class definitely helped me see how it worked. It was also cool to see how Elizabeth took a hand-drawn design and digitized it. You'd definitely need a working knowledge of Illustrator for this class. The video quality and instruction is very good, though Elizabeth's voice/inflection grated on my nerves a little (I know that's a petty complaint).

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CLASSES I DIDN'T ENJOY AS MUCH

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Lifestyle Photography: Capturing Food, Flavors, Conversation by Marte Marie Forsberg - I took this one because I like Marte's IG feed, but I didn't find much value in the course. It was interesting to see her in action setting up her shots though.

Food Photography: Capturing a Morning Worth Eating by Adam Goldberg - This class showed me that some serious Instagrammers art direct the shit out of their friends, and I just found that so ridiculous and annoying. But, there were a few good tips to be found, particularly about lighting. But I draw the line at making my friends act as models.

Introduction to the Art of Modern Calligraphy by Molly Jacques - Molly's calligraphy style is pretty iconic, and I'd really been excited to take her class. However, her videos were the worst out of all the Skillshare classes I've taken in terms of video quality, production and camera angles. I didn't get much out of this class at all. Disappointing.

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CLASSES I PLAN TO TAKE NEXT

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Creative Self Portraits: Going Beyond The Selfie by Lindsay Crandall - I really enjoy faceless portraits, so this class seems perfect for me.

Interior Styling: Style Your Space Like a Pro by Justina Blackeney - I love love love interior design, and I've been sort of obsessed with finding my signature style lately.

Intro to Surface Pattern Design by Bonnie Christine -  The content looks similar to Elizabeth Olwen's class above, but I've followed Bonnie's blog Going Home To Roost for a long time and would love to take her class. It's also one of the longer Skillshare classes I've seen at over 3.5 hours in course content—I bet it's a good bang for your buck!

Creative Non-Fiction by Susan Orlean - I've yet to take a writing class through Skillshare, and starting with one taught by a notable author seems like a great opportunity!

If you have any questions about Skillshare, let me know! Have you taken any other online classes? I'd love to hear about ones you've enjoyed!