Link Love : April

Make Your Soul Grow by Dogtooth Films on Vimeo

Even Diamonds Start as Coal : Rock Bottom, 4 Months, and Some Things I’ve Learned Since by Doniree
"Finally finding words for feelings, and believing in starting where you are, that’s what this is — the start to a new story and the lessons I’ve pulled out of the ashes of what essentially feels like having lit my life on fire."

Tiramisu and the Table by Heather at Tickled Yellow
"With a table between us and not a place in the world to be, we talked and talked, long after the leftovers had grown cold and stubbornly stuck onto the plates. Topics that were normally skimmed at surface level were now being delved into, mulled over. Hours had passed but, as if hypnotized by whatever magic this table was creating, neither of us wanted to leave and move on to television or email checking or whatever the next thing was."

How to Feel Crazy and Still Make Things by Jen Lee
"This is how it feels to me: making things. I think it's also why promoting anything is such a struggle for me--I just can't get those proud, celebratory, elated moments to last. One minute I post something, the next minute I'm dying to take it back down. A few things help..."

The Pure Pleasure of Not Knowing by Kate at Your Courageous Life
"The quest to know, when it turns into a quest to nail down life into a series of guarantees and absolutes, is one that is exhausting. At the same time, everyone I’ve met who undergoes that quest, pretty much has to travel the same road: the road of trying to nail it down, arrive at solutions, create a world rigidly fixed with safety… before figuring out that that just isn’t possible."

Creation, Consumption and Apathy by Shannon at Awash with Wonder
"The problem with over-consuming the work of other people (or even the lives of other people) is that it robs me of the energy and motivation to create. And when I'm not actively creating something -- no matter what that something is -- I feel less like me. Elizabeth Gilbert once said, "If I'm not actively creating something, chances are I'm about to start actively destroying something." That's me, too. I think that's a lot of people."

On Smiling by Kate at For Me, For You
"I’ve been thinking about this a lot since I started taking more photos of other people, noticing this knee-jerk reaction to having our photos taken that so many women exhibit once the camera is on them. They immediately point out a physical quality about themselves that they hate and hope the photographer can correct for, a look of shame and disgust washing over their faces while they say it. And 99.9% of the time I can never see what they’re talking about. Never."

Six small cities with big food scenes via USA Today Travel
WHO WANTS TO GO ON A ROAD TRIP?!

It Happened to Me: A "Bright Eyes" Song Ended My Marriage by Elizabeth for XO Jane
Usually the links I share here are reflective of my current musings; this article is decidedly not, but the writing is just so beautiful and heartbreaking that I had to include it. Just go read it.

April Rewind.

April in Photos

5 Things That Happened in April

1. We traveled to Arizona and New Mexico and got to spend time with our adorable nephews, Mark's sister, and his grandparents.

2. Mark found out he's going to Israel for work, and he took a business trip to Portland, Oregon (jealous!).

3. My poor kitty's tumor started growing back this month, so I'm likely going to be dealing with more vet visits and figuring out how to keep her comfortable :(

4. We had some fun friend-time this month with a bridal shower, Blackhawks playoff games, and a going-away barbeque for Mark.

5. I went clothes shopping for the first time in aaaaages, and got a few much needed pairs of pants and some basic spring tops.

Read in April

• Help, Thanks, Wow by Anne Lamott. A short book of essays on spirituality and simple prayers. It lacked a little cohesion, but I liked her honesty and there were some good quotes.

• Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. Even though this book felt like a string of blog entries (which I generally dislike) I loved this book. I think Shauna does a really good job of writing about the ups and downs in life in an insightful and relatable way.

• Man's Search for Meaning by Vicktor Frankl. I have very mixed feelings towards this one. The title kept popping up everywhere, and I figured I should probably check it out. The first half was incredibly powerful, describing Frankl's experience in concentration camps and how his outlook helped him through unfathomable circumstances. But the second half, which aimed to describe the psychological theory that Frankl developed, was far too technical and I ended up skimming most of it.

• This Song Will Save Your Life by Leila Sales A heavy yet humorous contemporary YA novel about what it's like to be a high school misfit who desperately wants to fit in. It's about friendship and finding yourself and the power of music. I was more of the wallflower type in high school rather than the outcast, but this story hit home on several occasions.

• The Goldfinch by Donna Tarte. Still reading, and it's still good. I finally feeling like I'm making some progress on this beast!

Favorite Song from April

What I'm Looking Forward to in May

I plan on making the most of my "alone time" while Mark is gone and focus on doing the things I've talked about for a long time but haven't had a chance to do yet. I plan to attend services at the local unitarian universalist temple, take some trips into the city for adventures, and work on some writing and video projects.

Coveting // Fresh + Minimal.

A tiny-but-pretty patio oasis in green, black, and neutrals.

Delicate circle earrings, a fresh take on the classic hoop.

White and black splatter pouch.

Dried eucalyptus in an old vintage jar.

***

Flashback // Shine Bright, Little Star.

I was recently inspired to re-read some of the old posts I wrote when I was a Season 6 blogger for the website Stratejoy. I put so much of myself into my stories and writing over there, and I'm quite proud of a number of those posts-- so much so that I want to occasionally re-post a few of them here for my own posterity, particularly if it contains a lesson I could still use or be reminded of today. If you were a Stratejoy reader or a blog friend of mine back then and have already read these stories, feel free to skip these posts! If not, I hope you enjoy-- I enjoyed writing them. 

*** 

Recently, I had some down time so I thought I’d go through the folders and files on my desktop and delete the old and unneeded stuff. You know, for fun.

In one buried folder left over from a few hard drive transfers, I came across a total gem—a document containing several AOL Instant Messenger conversations (how retro!) that I had saved from when I was a freshman and sophomore in college about ten years ago (Side note: Ten years? WTF!?).

In these vintage conversations, there was shameless flirting with the boy that lived downstairs in the dorm. In another, homework was ditched for a spontaneous trip to Taco Bell; later we recounted the details of a failed mission to stock up on massive quantities hot sauce and sugar packets and discussed the line between taking what was free and what constituted actual stealing. There were inside jokes, detailed analyses of what our crushes’ cryptic away messages meant, adventures accepted at a moment’s notice, and mindless late-night banter.

These IM logs were like opening a perfect time capsule to what I was experiencing, feeling, and who was important to me at that precise moment in time.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been swept away in nostalgia’s love spell. Yearbooks, old photos, even passing encounters with the people who had previously left footprints on my memories can send me into a tailspin of waxing poetic about days gone by.

Yet, skimming back through the all conversations, I almost felt as if I was reading a stranger’s words. I believe that the people we are today matters far more than who we were yesterday, and I’m working on letting go of some of the stories of my past that don’t align with my current self (like my drinking history). I don’t recognize the person who uttered those words because I’ve collected life experiences that have molded me like a piece of clay into something the same, yet completely different.

But what do you do when you recognize that some of those layers hidden underneath had a beauty all of their own– beauty now obscured by the trading of youthful optimism for adult realities, insecurities of past failures, and the occasional bout of cynicism?

In this way, nostalgia can be like a chisel, cracking away at the layers to look for the shining gems inside. Leonard Cohen wrote, “There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” But my version of those lyrics might end, “That’s how the light gets out.”

In reflecting on these past conversations—as insignificant as they seem, I’m shown a girl who trusted herself even when she didn’t have all the answers, who didn’t have to plan to be spontaneous, who rode the rollercoaster known as ALL OF THE FEELINGS, who prioritized friendships above all else, who didn’t think so damn much, and who knew how to really enjoy herself regardless of circumstance.

I know I’m not the only mid-to-late 20-something who worries that they’re not fun anymore (I know so because I read it on Thought Catalog). But, hello, I’m a girl who now finds herself organizing and cleaning out computer folders FOR FUN—so in my case it might very well be true.

But the light—the joy, passion, confidence, and love—is still within me. It dims every time I get caught up in thinking ten steps ahead or analyzing every detail, and grows like a beacon as I bring my focus to the present moment.

The past two weeks, I’ve been telling The Questions and The Shoulds and The Have Tos to promptly STFU, thankyouverymuch. I’ve embraced the slivers of time where I do exactly what I want to do and let myself expand into all corners of the experience, like I used to.

Laying on my back in the grass to watch the stars come out to dance at dusk.
Swirling down the street on vintage bicycle just for the feeling of the sunshine and wind on my skin.
Buying three dresses at once at a thrift store for no reason other than I like the way they hug my curves.
Dreaming about how I can inject my friendships with more playfulness, spontaneity, and Real Talk instead of adult pleasantries and small-talk.
Having a second pint at the bar.
Eating dark chocolate for breakfast.

These moments are far from life changing, but they’re bringing me back to my center, to my light, to my heart. I trust that these are the kindling and the sparks that will stoke my spirit and help me with my theme to Ignite my year. I dare say I even predict that this shift towards joy is part of the process to get out of my head long enough for something big—yet currently nameless and faceless—to flourish within me. There’s something in there ready to grow, I can sense it.

Shine on.

{Image: Starry Night by anoldent}

Coffee Chat // April 23, 2014

1. As I've talked about before, we hope to move out of Chicago at some point in the near future, and I've been pining for a place that feels more like home. But one theme that keeps popping up over again is the extent that family plays into the issue of geography, especially once kids enter the picture. Am I being short-sighted in wanting to move so badly, even though we hope to have kids within the next few years? Will it feel lonely to raise kids away from extended family? In my life, my family's geographic closeness was a positive experience, but it didn't necessarily lead to emotional closeness as I grew up. Will we be able to create our own community/support group wherever we are living? These are the kinds of questions on my mind, especially after spending time with relatives in Arizona and New Mexico, which is a side of Mark's family that he didn't (and doesn't) get to see very often. I'd love to hear from any of you, on both sides of the equation-- are you raising your kids near family? Was this intentional? Or do you live apart from your extended family? What has your experience been like? Did you yourself grow up near or far from family?

Edited to add: We would likely have a few family members in the cities we're considering moving to, but our parents wouldn't be nearby.

2. It looks like this year is going to be another big year for travel for us! Back in 2012, Mark's company asked him to work on a project in Ireland for eight months (if you're interested in our time over there, you can read the Ireland archive on my old blog). A similar project is happening again, and this time they've asked him to go to Israel for four months. We just got the news recently, and he will be leaving sometime in the next few weeks. Since this project has a shorter timeline, I won't be going with him like I did in Ireland, but the plan is for me to visit Israel towards the end of Mark's project and then continue on with a few weeks of travel together once he finishes up. We're dreaming of possibilities ranging from a Eastern Mediterranean cruise to a Thailand/Bali/Australia/New Zealand trip. Bonkers awesome. I'm trying to keep focused on the excitement of possible travel, because if I think about four months apart from Mark, I get a bit anxious and sad. (Also, if you have any Israel recommendations or tips, please let me know! Most likely he will be living in Tel Aviv.)

3. Project Life. *Sigh.* I don't know how I feel about it right now. I fell behind when I made a spread sometime in March that I really didn't like. It was so bad it killed my mojo. Then vacation and life happened and somehow it's the end of April and I have not worked on it in weeks. I have most of the photos placed into my InDesign template to get me caught up, but I'm not at all motivated to print or embellish them. It's funny, I feel like life was super boring over the winter months, and yet I managed to come up with PL spreads. Now that it's finally spring and I have a life again, I'm feeling less desire to document and more desire to just live it.

4. Random and somewhat vague question: Do any of you know any creative people (writers, designers, photographers, artists, etc.) who are using their creative skills for social good or humanitarian efforts? If so, could you point me to their social media? Thank you!

5. My salad obsession continues (especially after our vacation with a few indulgences). I've recently tried this Shrimp and Avocado Salad with Miso Dressing and this Rainbow Chicken Salad with Almond Honey Mustard Dressing. I loved the shrimp salad in particular, and the dressing on the Rainbow salad was delicious (but I don't like blueberries, so I didn't care for that salad mixture as much as this Honey Feta Chicken Salad with Grapes and Almonds, which is a standby favorite).

Captured: AZ | NM in Instagrams

Last week, Mark and I took our annual trip to the Southwest to visit his family. Last year we visited Arizona and SoCal, and this year we returned to Phoenix where his sister lives and then road tripped to Albuquerque, New Mexico, to visit his grandparents.

The trip was wonderful, as expected. Mark comes from a huge family-- Grandma and Grandpa have eight children-- and Mark realized he'd never spent any quality one-on-one time with his grandparents while growing up because there was always a reunion or giant family gathering happening when he came for a visit. It was really nice to be able to sit down and chat with them without all the usual commotion!

We had fun seeing Old Town and the oldest church in Albuquerque where Grandma's parents were married and she was baptized. We relaxed in their beautiful backyard patio, which made my desire for a house of our own with a backyard grow even stronger. And we were spoiled rotten when we visited Indigo Crow, the amazing restaurant that Mark's aunt and uncle own-- there's some kind of magic when you walk in the door to a restaurant and the entire staff knows your extended family and ushers you to a sprawling table with a dozen of appetizers already ordered for you. Not to mention our free pick of wine and delicious entrees. I'm totally bragging and sorry not sorry :)

The road trip between Albuquerque and Phoenix was beautiful as well, and the mountain and desert scenery made the seven hour drive go fairly quickly. I've never been in love with Phoenix as I don't love the desert and think it's too brown there, but the mountains have my heart.  I only wished we had time to stop and hike along the drive. We're already planning next year's visit to include a detour to the Grand Canyon.

Back in Arizona, we spent lots of time playing with our adorable nephews and enjoying their day-to-day activities-- seeing them off to school, babysitting in the afternoon, and watching about a half-dozen animated movies over a four-day span. One evening we went to the Desert Botanical Garden to see the stunning Dale Chihuly glass art installations, followed by margaritas on the patio at a Mexican restaurant.

Aside from the goings and doings, this trip brought up a lot of questions for me, which I plan to blog a little bit about in some upcoming posts. Thoughts are swirling about the issue of family and community, raising kids, geographic location/relocation, and creativity. One of the best parts about taking trips and traveling is getting out of your normal routine for a few days to give your thoughts and ideas the freedom to emerge in a fresh way.

All the photos above come from my Instagram; you can follow me @Cait_Lindsey_. I brought my DSLR camera on this trip and didn't even take it out once!