Two weeks after I'd declared that I was 100% no longer focused on the idea of moving to Portland, Oregon, I am happy and bewildered to announce that we are 100% moving to Portland. We even have a date: July 10th. Whoa, dudes, shit is getting real.
Things never seem to happen the way you're expecting them to, do they?
If you are a Twitter friend or follow me on Instagram, you might have already seen my announcements/excessive use of exclamation points (and thank you to those of you excited for us!). But I still want to record the full story, if for no one other than my future self. This feels like one of those Big Moments that I'll want to look back on someday.
For years, Mark and I have talked about moving to Portland, Oregon. Anyone close to us has probably grown sick of hearing us mention it, and even you long-time blog readers likely know we've wanted to get out of Chicago. Living in Ireland for eight months gave us a temporary escape, but it didn't stop us from craving a change. If anything, it made us even more eager to be in a place with more access to nature, hiking, and beautiful scenery than Illinois offered.
We made our first visit to the Pacific Northwest in 2007 as an unofficial "could we see ourselves living here?" trip. No surprise, we loved it, and have each made trips back to Portland individually. Occasionally, I'd throw out a job application to places in Portland, but as someone who's experience is mostly admin-y and marketing in nature, I'm sure there was no reason for my resume to be favored over local applicants with similar experience.
Fast-forward to the last few months, when Mark grew a bit stir-crazy with his job of over six years. It seemed like a logical time for us to try and make a move happen, especially since he has more specialized experience that no doubt made him an attractive candidate. First came an almost job offer in Boulder, Colorado, but that fell through when the company lost a few projects. Then a company in Portland contacted Mark, interviewing him multiple times and flying him out to Portland. I'd tried to keep my expectations in check after the disappointment over Boulder, but I think both of us felt like, hey, this could really happen. That was, until the offer came in, and the numbers were—how shall I put it—sucktastic. *Womp, womp.* We both knew it was the right move to walk away from this scenario.
(Now, here's where things got interesting, in my opinion.)
After two moving-related disappointments, it spun me into a mini-existential crisis. Is it really so bad where we live? As my #caitiwalksoakpark pictures can attest, I love my beautiful town, so that's not the problem. How much of my brain power over the past several years had been spent focused on somewhere other than my present moment, and what harm was that doing to my everyday life and relationships? When I asked myself these questions, it struck me how I'd been keeping one foot out the door. I hadn't really invested myself in my community, I'd kept many friendships at arms length, I didn't care to get to know Chicago more intimately: I treated everything as temporary and not worth investing in more deeply because I'd leave it all behind if I could.
And I was ashamed—I don't want to live my life this way. So I decided I was DONE. I wasn't giving up on my Portland dreams (as a few people suggested). Instead, I felt like I was choosing my present, and committing to creating a beautiful life regardless of my location. When I scrapped my blog and decided to start over, I was doing so in part because I realized that many posts were wrapped up in this idea of wanting to be somewhere else. Bringing it back to my blog title, there was a little too much wandering and not enough roots, and I wanted to shift the balance.
So when Mark told me he'd randomly thrown his resume at a Portland job opening on LinkedIn, I was a touch pissy to have to go through the uncertainty again (sorry, Mark). But he assured me it was just "out of curiosity" and that nothing would come of it. So I continued on with my root-building plan. I got ahold of an old acquaintance that lives in my town and who I kept saying I should hang out with, started visiting the animal shelter for a new cat, began scoping out local events for the summer months, and decided to make a few home improvement upgrades.
But then the company wanted to interview Mark. Again: "I'll just do it out of curiosity." Mmm hmm.
Well, curiosity got this cat a job offer, and a very good one at that. It's a great opportunity, both professionally and financially, in a city we've always wanted to experience. So we have to give it a go. It just feels right to greet this kind of serendipitous situation with a big "YES."
I don't know how to make sense of what happened, or how things flip flopped so quickly. Maybe letting go of my Portland expectations allowed some new energy to flow in. Maybe my little existential crisis and associated lessons were what the Universe intended me to learn from living here. Now that I have a better perspective, perhaps I'm free to move on as a marginally wiser person. Who knows.
But come July 2nd, we will leave our beautiful little town and start making our way west to begin a new chapter, in which I'm hoping I will both put down roots and stretch my wings wide.
Did this post resonate with you? Email me at rootswingswanderings {at} gmail {dot} com or join me on Twitter @cait_lindsey to share your thoughts. I'd love to hear from you!
