A (Mostly) Portland Made Gift Guide: For Him.

I'm continuing on with the Portland love in this gift guide geared toward the guys—though there are more than a few gifts on this list that I'd love to receive myself! As with the previous guide, a few items are not Oregon-made but help to round out the collection, so I will note those in the link descriptions below.

1. Oregon Craft Brewers Truffle Collection by Moonstruck Chocolate, $30
I first discovered Moonstruck when they used to have cafes in a few cities around the US including my grad school town of Champaign, Illinois. I fell in love with their truffles and chocolate beverages. This collection of features a double dose of Oregon; not only is Moonstruck chocolate produced here, but they paired up with several local craft breweries for these boozy treats.

2. Beaumont Blend by Ristretto Roasters, $14.00
Most people are familiar with Portland roaster Stumptown, but since we moved here I've been testing out the numerous other local roasters. So far, my favorite is Ristretto Roasters, and their Beaumont blend has tasting notes of chocolate truffle, maraschino cherry, and toasted coconut.

3. Plaid Motor Robe Blanket with Leather Carrier by Pendelton Woolen Mills, $99.50
Pendelton has been a Pacific Northwest family-owned company for more than 100 years, with quality-driven products made from 100% wool and produced in the USA. Their blankets are a classic gift item and a perfect winter accessory, but they have many other wonderful gift ideas on their website as well.

4. Recycled Skateboard Bottle Opener by MapleXO, $20
This company was started by a group of Portland skateboarders that wanted to reduce waste in skateboard manufacturing, so they began to create jewelry and accessories from the discarded material. These colorful and useful bottle openers would make a perfect stocking stuffer.

5. Jerky Crafting Kit by Fleishers, $30
Fleishers is an East Coast butcher company with locations in Connecticut and New York, but I thought this jerky kit was too cool not to include as a gift idea. It contains everything you need to make natural, preservative-free jerky at home in an oven (except the meat, obvi). 

6. Roots Soap, $6.00 per bar
These natural, cold-pressed soaps are made with Oregon rain-water collected in the soapmaker's own yard—how cool is that?! They offer a variety of yummy sounding "manly" scents including Bay Clove, Bergamot Cedar, Wood & Smoke, and Northwest IPA. They are available through the online or physical shop, MadeHere PDX, which has a TON of other locally made products. It's a great resource for Oregon products.

7. Olympia Provisions Sausage and Salami, $10 each, or $40 and up for a sampler
Olympia Provisions is probably the most popular meat purveyor in Portland, with a range of sausage, salami, and pate offerings made with local, antibiotic-free and humanely-raised pork. They sell a variety of samplers such as Italian, French, or Spanish gift sets, or if your guy really likes meat, you could gift him with a yearlong subscription to the Salami of the Month Club for $145. 

8. Harry's Razors set, $15 and up
This is an online business that is not based out of Oregon, but I think the idea is intriguing and makes a great gift option for the guys. Harry's believes men should be able to get quality shave without spending a ridiculous amount of money on blades. They offer a few different shaving kits that'd make great gifts, and they also have the option to sign up for a monthly subscription that delivers fresh blades to your door each month. 

9. Aftershave Tonic by Menagerie, $18
Along with the razors above, you could add in this aftershave tonic by Menagerie, the Portland beauty-shop-in-an-Airstream-trailer. It contains a soothing and invigorating blend of fruit extracts and gentle astringents and smells like citrus, pine, and a touch of lavender. 

10. Campfire Candle by Revolution Design House, $18
This fragrance-free candle's appeal is all in its unique shape. Hand-cast in Portland, it creates a unique flame shape as it melts down in the center, leaving the orange edges to curl upward like a fire. So fun!

11. Eliot Daypack by The Alpine Division, $90
This Portland adventure company creates a variety of attractive yet useful outdoor and travel products. This backpack would be a useful gift for anyone from trail hikers to daily commuters.

12. Geek Love by Katherine Dunn, $15.95
This is a book filled with a freakishly twisted plot line and dark characters written by Portland native, Katherine Dunn. It is the story of a carnival family that falls upon hard times and decides to start breeding their own freaks through oh-so disturbing methods. It's a love-it or hate-it kind of book, but it's considered a cult classic among many. If the person you're buying for happens to be a fan of Chuck Palahniuk (another PNW native), then they might like to give this twisted tale a try.  

13. Smoked Tea Vanilla Botanical Cocktail & Soda Syrup by Raft, $14.99
To me, cocktail syrups make for great gifts for the amateur bartender or frequent host because they seem like the kind of thing you wouldn't always splurge on for yourself. Using the founders' backgrounds in Chinese medicine and herbology, Raft has created some really unique botanical-based cocktail and soda syrups, and offers up a bunch of different drink recipes on their website. 

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That is it for my Portland-centric gift guides! I know not everyone will be particularly interested in Portland goods, but these guiders were a little way for me to help support local and small businesses, and I hope I was at least able to introduce you to a few cool new-to-you brands or products :)

A (Mostly) Portland Made Gift Guide: For Her.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Before we jump straight into Christmas, I just want to say I am grateful for each of you who has kept reading this blog, even through my various hiatuses and ups-and-downs. You da best :)

So, Christmas in the blog world basically means one thing: Gift guides! I wasn't entirely sure if I was going to put together a gift guide/wishlist as I have in year's past because I am constantly trying to focus more on the important parts of the holiday season including spending quality time with loved ones, eating good food, spreading cheer, and cultivating a spirit of generosity. I don't love the consumerism that has become synonymous with the holiday, so much so that it's doorbusters and deals are even overtaking Thanksgiving, a time where family and gratitude should be held sacred.

Also, while most of the gift guides I see are beautifully put together, they often feature national brands and products that are widely available—how many gift guides feature the likes of J. Crew, Bose, Crate & Barrel, etc.? From a blogger's perspective, they are of course interested in providing ideas from brands that people trust and can easily order—and I'm sure all those the affiliate links don't hurt either.

I want to challenge that idea a little and focus my gift guide on the many Portland brands out there. Portland has such a thriving independent and small business community and is full of some of the most wonderful creative people. It's easy to want to shop locally when you're surrounded by so many great shops and boutiques. But as the links show below, most of these items are also available online, and I hope you will check out some of their shops. Even if you don't end up getting any gift ideas from this post, I hope you learn about a cool Portland brand or two—or just get some ideas for things to look out for the next time you visit the Pacific Northwest!

My philosophy for gift buying tends to lean towards those little luxuries and fun treats that people might not indulge in for themselves. In both my "His" and "Her" gift guides, there are a few non-Oregon specific items just to round out the collection, but I will make note of those below.

1. Tatine Candle in One Rainy Wish, $17
These candles aren't actually made in Portland—Tatine is based out of Chicago—but I'm including them in this gift guide because they are sold locally at a cute boutique called Porchlight. Plus, "One Rainy Wish" just sounds like Portland, right?

2. Tiny Bar Necklace by Minoux Jewelry, $49
I own and love this simple, minimal necklace made by a local artist, which I first saw worn by the vlogger Essiebutton (anyone else love Esteé?). The shop also carries a variety of other simple statement pieces.  

3. Chambray Geo Dot Napkins by Nell & Mary, $45
I don't think I've ever seen chambray napkins before, and I'm in love. I love that they are natural looking but stylish, and I think they'd look great on a table set with white place settings. If you are local or visiting, Nell & Mary products can be found at their design shop North of West in downtown Portland.

4. Dragonfly Chai Concentrate, $7.99
Dragonfly's SweetTea Chai is hands down the best chai concentrate I've ever used and makes a killer iced chai. Unfortunately, I realized after making this guide that it cannot be ordered online, but you can find it in many grocery stores in Oregon and Washington. For anyone visiting Portland, give their cafe a visit; it's in NW Portland on Thurman.

5. Sea Mug by Covet & Ginger, $26
I first fell in love with Covet & Ginger mugs when visiting the amazing donut shop Pip's. They serve their hot drinks in these gorgeous hand-thrown mugs, which I later learned through an Instagram post were made by Covet & Ginger. They use Oregon clay, and many of their glazes are recycled (which accounts for that perfect cloudy/foggy look). They also offer a series of splatter mugs that are brushed with wax before they are fired, which burns away during firing, leaving the raw clay to shine through in places. So gorgeous.

6. Salty Caramels and Salty Honey Nut Chews from Jacobsen Salt Co., $13.95 each
Jacobsen's salt is harvested in the Pacific Northwest—the first people to do so since Lewis & Clark. Their salt offerings are obviously worth checking out, especially as a gift for the home cook, but I think their sweet and salty treats sound amazing. 

7. Where the Roses Smell the Best: A Literary Companion to Portland, $8.95
This collection of short stories, vignettes, poems, and art about what makes the city so unique would make a great gift for a local or anyone with an affinity for Rose City. It was collaborative project between students, community members and professional writers, helping to give students an inside look at the publishing process, which I think makes it even more special. I've linked to this book through Powell's website, which is a Portland institution and the largest indie bookstore in the world.

8. Smith Tea Assortment by Steven Smith Teamakers,  $13.50
Steven Smith was the founder and CEO of tea companies Tazo and Stash, and is credited for being responsible for America's modern tea renaissance. After he sold off his companies due to their success, he founded Steven Smith Teamakers, the headquarters of which are right down the street from my apartment. So far, I've only had their iced tea, which is incredible, but I'm eager to try the hot tea. This package contains an assortment of his most popular flavors. A version with slightly cuter packaging can also be found on the company's website for $14.99.

9. Wildwood by Colin Meloy, with illustrations by Carson Ellis, $8.99
This is one part fairy tale, one part coming-of-age story taking place in a strange, mysterious wooded forest next to Portland. The story is crafted by Portland resident Colin Meloy, singer and songwriter of The Decemberists, and illustrated by his wife, Carson Ellis. While I haven't read the story yet, I did buy it recently and the cover and illustrations are gorgeous. It would make a great gift for Portland lovers and book lovers alike.

10. Herbivore Botanicals skincare, $10 and up
I can't bear to pick out one or two products to recommend, so I will just refer you to the whole company. Herbivore is a natural skincare brand with a range of products from bath soaks to skin oils to clay masks. The designer in me loves their branding, and I think any of their products would make a great gift for someone who likes to pamper themselves. While you can order through their website or through their Etsy shop, they are also stocked at many boutiques across the US, so check their stockist page on their site.

11. Seagrape soap bars, $8 each
Seagrape Bath + Body is a company that uses natural oils, herbs, clays, and botanicals in their products with a focus on aromatheraputic scents. I purchases a sample of their essential oil perfumes a few years ago and thought they were great. The soap scents seem like they'd smell delicious: Lavender Orange, Bay Rum, and Spiced Chai, among others. I also love how they're packaged in recycled cardboard cartons.

12. Imaginary Authors perfume, $55-95 per bottle, $6 per sample
Each scent in the Imaginary Authors line tells a story through its notes, dreamed up by a uniquely wonderful imaginary author. Like a good book, these scents are layered and complex, meant to inspire you through their narratives. Be sure to check out the stories created for each scent. It's such a funky and fun take on fragrances, isn't it? They are available through the Imaginary Authors website, or through the adorable Portland shop-in-an-Airstream-trailer, Menagerie.

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Stay tuned for the For Him guide, coming in the next day or two!

What I Read in October.

My reading has slowed down considerably this year, especially over the summer months when we were preparing for and moving to Portland. It got to the point where my Goodreads goal of 40 books had to be lowered or I'd have had no hopes of achieving it. But as someone kindly pointed out to me, when I set that goal in January, I had no idea we'd be moving across the country this year, so I shouldn't beat myself up over it. Fair point :)

In October, I was able to squeeze in six books, mostly because I've been leaning more towards shorter reads so I can play a little bit of catch up. I'm trying to remind myself that I feel so much better when I spend my time reading than when I mindlessly watch yet another episode of some TV show on Netflix (that I've probably already seen at least twice). If you'd like to hear me talk about these books instead, I have a monthly wrap up for these books over on my YouTube channel.

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Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

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Ta-Nehisi Coates wrote Between the World and Me as a letter to his 15-year-old son on the topic of race in America and discusses what it is like to be an African American man in this country. In every review of this book I've seen, people use the words "powerful" and "important," and I couldn't agree more. I would also add that it is a raw, poetic, heart-breaking and necessary read. I think it could be a very valuable book for all Americans, and especially those who are not people of color, and I would not be surprised if this book is adapted into school curricula. I think it's so important that we expose ourselves to perspectives and experiences different than our own and to foster empathy for marginalized groups, and think that this book is an important way to do that. It's not a book that provides answers, but I think it helped me to foster more understanding and context for the current racial climate in this country.

Rating: ☆☆☆☆ 1/2

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Before I Go to Sleep by S.J. Watson

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Before I Go to Sleep is a psychological thriller focused on a woman who experiences amnesia every night when she goes to sleep, so she wakes up each day not knowing most details about her life, including where she is or who she is married to. I picked it up because I was interested in a creepy-but-not-scary read for October and thought this might fit the bill. I was pretty disappointed in it though. It was somewhat of a page-turner, but I found the plot of the story to be repetitive and the character development lacking, since the main character's history had to be explained to her over and over each day. Even though I haven't read many psychological thrillers, this one did not feel unique; it had that cheesy, over-dramatic feel of a typical Lifetime movie.

Rating: ☆☆

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In the Woods by Tana French

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My second attempt at reading a dark-but-not-scary book was much more successful. In the Woods is the first book in Tana French's Dublin Murder Squad series, and focuses on two cases: The unsolved mystery of two children that disappeared in the woods of an Irish town in the 1980s, and then the present-day murder of a young girl in the very same woods. The book focuses on a detective team as they attempt to solve the murder and investigate the possible connection between the two cases. Even though this is crime fiction, I found it to be much more akin to literary fiction. The writing was solid and the characters complex, multifaceted, and infuriating at times. The theme of friendship was present throughout the book, and the author examines the various moments when friendships cross a line from innocent to destructive. Overall it far surpassed my expectations, and I'm eager to continue on with the other books in the series.

Rating: ☆☆☆☆ 1/2

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The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

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The House on Mango Street is a modern classic YA/children's book, but it was one that I missed out on reading when I was young. The book is a series of vignettes—not quite separate short stories, but also not a cohesively plotted chapter book. The vignettes give a glimpse into the life of Esperanza, a young girl coming of age in a poor, Latino neighborhood in Chicago. I didn't dislike this book, but I did feel somewhat indifferent towards it when I was done. It didn't have the depth I wanted it to, perhaps due to the simple language, the lack of structure, or simply due to the fact that I should have read it in my younger years.

Rating: ☆☆☆

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What's Your Story? by Brandon Doman

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The book What's Your Story? is based on Brandon Doman's The Strangers Project, in which he offered random strangers in New York City a blank piece of paper and asked them to share their story, whatever it may be. The book is a collection of these stories and letters. Overall, I really liked the collection and found them to be a mix of confessional and heartfelt. It was fascinating to see similar threads and ideas pop up in different people's letters, and it really reinforced the idea that we have more in common with each other than we'd assume. I'd recommend checking it out if you like collaborative projects like Humans of New York or PostSecret.

Rating: ☆☆☆☆

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Audacity by Melanie Crowder

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I saved the best for last—Audacity was my favorite read of the month, and will likely be one of my top favorites of the year. It's not a book I hear anyone talking about, so I feel like I need to persuade everyone to read it! I'll be doing a separate book review on my Youtube channel for it. It is a YA historical fiction novel written in verse, based on the real-life young activist/feminist, Clara Lemlich. Clara's family escapes religious persecution in Russia in the early 1900's by immigrating to the US and settling in New York City. Clara fights to pursue her education but also has to work to help support her family. She finds employment in the city's sweatshops, where she quickly becomes disturbed by the abuse and mistreatment of workers. Unable to keep quiet in the face of injustice, she fights to form a worker's union that women are able to join and becomes a significant voice in the labor rights movement. Clara's tenacity, determination, and feisty nature was inspiring, and I wish I would have had this book when I was a teen. It contains a wonderful message about the importance in fighting for social justice and standing up for what you believe in.

Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆

Have you read anything good recently?

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Selling Your First Home

When the realtor emailed to tell us we received our first offer on our condo, I cried. And not because I was happy (though I was). I cried because it was the first time it really sank in that Illinois was no longer "home," and that our beloved space would soon be occupied by someone else.

After I posted my moving vlog, someone left a comment saying that I seemed very sad, and they hoped that there was something for me to look forward to in Portland. I was sort of taken aback, for Portland was something we’d dreamed about and talked about ad nauseam for years. But that doesn’t erase the history we have in Illinois, the place we spent the vast majority of our lives thus far, the place where we created a home together filled with countless memories and stories. New beginnings, even the happiest ones, are not possible without the end of something else, so of course I was going to be sad. The more places I go and experience and love, the more places I leave little pieces of my heart behind.

Almost as soon as I came to accept that the condo would soon be someone else’s, that first offer on the condo fell through due to the buyer’s financing. And then I was sad (and stressed) for an entirely different reason.

But within two days we had a second offer. There were less emotions the second time around—perhaps because I’d started to learn that the process of selling real estate is uncertain and complicated and NOT EASY, and I wasn’t going to allow myself feel excited until the deal was set in stone.

And I basically held my breath for the entire month of the closing process. At one point, we were sure the deal was going to fall through. Even our lawyer and realtor were breaking out the nails for the coffin. Basically, the buyer’s inspector had given him incorrect information about electrical codes, and the buyer was demanding that we do a complete re-wiring of the unit and threatening to break the contract over it. Which is ridiculous, because 1) the whole building is wired the same way—and had never had an issue, and 2) the inspector had used building codes that didn’t apply to our pre-1970s building. Luckily we had a great team working for us and our lawyer fought back hard to make the buyer understand that his demands were completely out of line. And he eventually cooled his jets, and the condo closed on October 29th after a few days of Mark dealing with hundreds of emails and overnighting paperwork from Oregon to Illinois.

Oh, and wire-transferring a decent chunk of money to our bank. Because, yes, we had to pay our bank in order to “sell” our condo.

(Caution: You’re now entering the mildly bitter portion of my emotional rollercoaster of selling our first home.)



We purchased our condo in April of 2008, at 25 and 26 years old (five months before our wedding), after years of hearing from older, well-meaning relatives that renting is “throwing money away” (I’d now like to send those relatives an invoice for the money we paid the bank, tbh). We thought it was smart, we thought we were being responsible and “adult” in settling down for a while. We thought prices from the housing bubble had come down.

And then fall of 2008 happened. It’s a classic tale of bad timing. The financial crisis and subsequent recession took the value of our $147,000 condo and stomped on it. At the lowest point—I want to say it was somewhere in 2010 or 2011—it wasn’t even hitting $95,000 according to Zillow. In that time we both lost our jobs in the building industry (but, luckily, not at the same time). Whereas we’d originally planned on being in the condo for 4-5 years and then think about moving west, we could only focus on present circumstances and hope that the value of our condo would rise again someday.

And it did—slowly, but not entirely. Our sale price was much less than what we bought it for, and effectively turned all those mortgage payments into rent. Mark did the math, and what we paid over 7+ years in the condo equated to about $600/month in rent—which is probably close to half the typical rent for 2BR units in Oak Park. It could have been a lot worse though, like it has been for many other people. So I guess there’s one silver lining. {Correction: Apparently I don't listen when it comes to math/numbers, because Mark has corrected me and told me that the $$$ we lost ends up more than average rents in Oak Park. Numbers are confusing.}

I’m being too harsh because the honest truth is we LOVED our condo and LOVED living in Oak Park (again let me refer you to my moving vlog and my #caitiwalksoakpark hashtag). It was home. In the weeks leading up to our move to Portland, I wished so many times that I could pick up the entire town and just make it a new neighborhood of Portland. Being an owner came with its own benefits as well—mainly the lack of a landlord to be accountable to and the ability to make the space truly yours (except for doormats; upon moving in we were quickly emailed by the condo association and told that doormats were strictly VERBOTEN and a fire hazard. Insert eyeroll emoji).



However, seven years of ownership has been a learning experience. I can fairly confidently say that I will never again buy a condo as a real estate investment. Maybe we’ll live in a condo later in life when downsizing as empty nesters or retirees, but the next place we purchase will be a home and will be someplace we intend to stay indefinitely. If and when we have children heading out on their own, I will not demonize renting as “throwing money away,” but as an option that allows you freedom and flexibility before you’re ready to commit to somewhere for the long haul. I’m not convinced of the idea of real estate as a worthy investment, particularly in the form of a condo. Not in the world I came of age in.

Another lesson has been to have so much more compassion for all parties involved in a real estate transaction. I've witnessed so many friends who are first-time homebuyers complain about sellers being such assholes for turning down offers and not coming down enough on their sale price. If those sellers are anything like us, sometimes you CAN'T go any lower without being underwater. Not everyone is trying to make a profit off of you; some people are just trying to make a hit hurt less. You have no idea what someone else's story is.

But we are onto a new chapter now. We are condo-free and mortgage-free, having returned to life as renters in Portland. I’m not sure what our future in real estate holds, particularly in this area. The Portland housing market is insane, with average housing prices around $350k+ for a small (and often less than pristine condition) bungalow. We’re still being told by relatives to keep our eyes open for good real estate deals to jump on, but honestly, that’s the farthest thing from my mind. $350k is well out of our range anyways, and we have to re-build our entire down payment after not making it back in the condo sale.

For now, the flexibility to choose a place to live within walking distance to downtown, to explore different neighborhoods, and to not be tied to any one location is worth being a renter to me. I no longer look at it as throwing money away but buying freedom. I think attitudes towards owning real estate have grown more skeptical among young people who experienced the recession—or it has just become a completely unachievable goal for many in our current world—but Mark and I had to live it to learn it.

Link Love: October

Today’s links all happened to connect to the idea of technology, especially how it is influencing us. I’m constantly trying to delineate my boundaries with technology in a world where the lines are becoming more and more blurred. It’s obviously on other people’s minds as well, given the recent viral story about the Instagram model who “quit” social media, though I’m not interested in discussing her scenario specifically—more so the more subtle gray areas that lie between the demonization and evangelicalism of technology/social media.

Over the past month, I considered shuttering my blog and starting a newsletter instead—primarily just to share links/thoughts posts just like this. While I decided it’s not yet time to transition, I am keeping the idea in mind for the future. Are newsletters the Internet’s new safe space for women? This article looks at the rise of email newsletters, particularly among women writers and creators. As online environments have become more toxic and comments sections are a place where trolls often lurk, it can be challenging to share your voice without backlash of some kind—especially as women and even more so as feminist women. Through my own online activities, I have thankfully dealt with only a small dose of creepy and unwelcome comments, but I also know I’ve purposely held back my liberal, social justice-leaning opinions for fear of becoming a target of online trolling. I am certainly attracted to the idea of an opt-in, less public space where I can share my thoughts and interests with a small group of women (and men, too, if they want, but a community of women has and will always be my primary interest). In some ways, communicating through email feels like a throwback to old school pen pal letters.

The article mentions Lena Dunham’s new project called Lenny, which I enjoy, but I’d also like to endorse journalist Ann Friedman’s weekly links and my booktube friend Rincey’s Five on Friday. 

The topic of “personal branding” is something that equally fascinates and horrifies me,  and I enjoyed reading through journalist Ann Friedman’s experience with a personal branding consultant (along with her own hesitations)—Me, Inc.: The paradoxical, pressure-filled quest to build a “personal brand.” I understand the idea on a professional level, especially having studied and worked in marketing and advertising. It’s far easier to promote something, including yourself, when you can distill your offerings down to a punchy tagline or elevator speech. Plus there’s the whole notion that it’s better and more marketable to have a singular focus than to have lots of different interests and pursuits—jack of all trades, master of none, after all.

However, I really, really hate the idea of personal branding on a human level. We’re obviously so much more complex than that, and I fear what will come out of our reductive tendency to want to put others into boxes we can label and categorize, and what happens when people defy these boundaries. I’ve been thinking a lot about this in regards to social media, particularly as a creator (although not currently a very productive one, which is a separate problem). I’ve noticed how a lot of people will make separate Twitter or Youtube accounts to compartmentalize their content; I’ve watched Instagrammers grow in popularity when they settle on a specific photo style and subject matter that they repeat ad nauseum; personal blogs are out, lifestyle/business blogs are the norm. Etcetera.

I tend to resist niche-ing myself, and I desire my work (and social media) to be a reflection of the multitudes within myself. I quit my book-centric Instagram because I felt like I was far more interested in people’s lives, and sharing my own stories, than yet another pretty photo of a book (which all start to blend together after a while). I’ve even been wrestling with my approach to my bookish Youtube channel, particularly because there are other topics I want to talk about but that lie outside the scope of books and what has been established as the norm by the booktube community itself. Of course, I recognize that multi-faceted authenticity and honesty is impossible given the limits of one photo, one 140-character tweet, one blog post or video. We're all adapting a performative or public persona of sorts through the things we choose to create and promote. But can anyone be successful (whether that be in terms of skill, money, community, or notoriety) without a narrowly defined focus/brand/message? And, if you choose not to specialize, does your personality inherently become your "brand?" (and that's weird in and of itself). I don’t have any definitive conclusions on this, but it is on my mind as a person who loves and uses the internet. 

I fully expected to hate this article about a photographer that decided to photograph own wedding—like I full-on cringed while clicking the link. And not because I despise selfies (quite the opposite) but because I’d assumed that there would be a certain amateur quality to the photographs when you blur the line between photographer and subject. I still wrestle with whether taking photographs takes a person out the real life experience—and one’s wedding is a time when one should be fully present and immersed in the day itself. However, the resulting photographs are intimate and humble in a way I haven’t really seen in wedding photography before. I’ve heard some photographers say their camera is an extension of themselves, like a limb, and part of how they process the world, and I can see that sentiment coming through here. It’s not something I would have ever done, but the results here are really lovely and quite natural.

Stop Googling, let’s talk. The topic of how our phones are affecting our relationships isn’t anything new, but this op-ed hits right on my main concern with my own technology usage, and that is how technology is interfering with conversation and connection.

It happens in interpersonal relationships:

“[...] when two people are talking, the mere presence of a phone on a table between them or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel. People keep the conversation on topics where they won’t mind being interrupted. They don’t feel as invested in each other. Even a silent phone disconnects us.”

And it happens within ourselves:

“We turn time alone into a problem that needs to be solved with technology. [...] One start toward reclaiming conversation is to reclaim solitude. Some of the most crucial conversations you will ever have will be with yourself.”

To me it’s not an anti-technology rant, but rather a reminder that technology (and social media) is a tool that we get to decide when and how to use. I want technology to be a way for me to reach out to people I love—especially those far away now that we’ve moved, as well as my online communities that share my interests in a way that few people in my “real life” do. What I never want is technology to be a barrier between me and the people I’m physically present with.

*A related bonus link: Rookie’s new column, The Disconnect, featuring some lighthearted ideas for unplugging from technology. What would your monikered sandwich be? I think The Caiti would be a smoked salmon and scallion grilled cheese made with garlic bread. Perhaps with avocado on it as well? Mmm.

Hands down, my favorite recent read of the past few months has to be this article: The Myth of Quality Time. In many ways, I see its connection to the previous piece on technology and what arises when we make room for silence. We all live busy lives, and so often we try to maximize our time spent with one another by declaring “quality time,” “a shopworn phrase with a debatable promise: that we can plan instances of extraordinary candor, plot episodes of exquisite tenderness, engineer intimacy in an appointed hour.” In reality, so many of life’s best moments and connections happen with spontaneity and serendipity simply because we are there for each other, in a real, physical way. 

It brings to mind a story from my own life, where I found myself exchanging pleasantries with a loved one I hadn’t seen in a while. When the conversation lulled a bit, I almost got up and left the room since I can admittedly get panicky with so-called awkward silences and usually try to avoid them at all costs. If my phone would have been nearby, I probably would have escaped to it as well. But I kept sitting there, through the silence, and it wasn’t long before he was opening up to me about the recent end of his relationship and the ways he was having a hard time. There’s no chance this would have occurred if hadn’t stayed present beyond the small talk and through a pause of silence.

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Random Bits: Lena Dunham has a new podcast. I'm also enjoying She Does, and have re-fallen for Call Your Girlfriend. I finally got into the Dublin Murder Squad series and quite enjoyed the first book. Currently reading Just Kids. Finding myself weirdly obsessed with the moon ever since this fall's supermoon eclipse; now I desperately want this necklace and this calendar. Also on my wishlist are these stunning mugs that I discovered through my favorite local donut shop. Heard this interview with Saoirse Ronan on NPR yesterday, which mostly made me homesick for Ireland due to her charming Irish accent, but it also made me check out the trailer for Brooklyn and it looks aaamazing (it's also rumored to be a possible Oscar contender).

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Thanks for reading, and as always, if you have any thoughts or would like to chat, feel free to leave a comment, email, or find me on my other social media.