Link Love : January

♥ First of all, the handwritten text above is from Cocorrina's free 2015 calendar printable. I definitely recommend checking it out if you're in need of a calendar for the year!

♥ Take the capsule wardrobe idea and apply it to your kitchen. This is brilliant and reminds me of an old post from Pink of Perfection on template cooking. This is basically the way we cooked the entire time we lived in Ireland, and it was simple and satisfying.

♥ This post on how to extend your yoga practice throughout the day is a great reminder.

♥ 25 practical, humorous writing hacks. 

♥ On being a Leslie Knope in a World Full of Liz Lemons: "But the acceptance of Leslie Knope as a reflection of ourselves is simply not as widespread as the identification as Liz Lemon." This was a thought-provoking piece that brings up some very good points about how the characters are portrayed and how audiences relate to each of them.

♥ My latest podcast obsessions: Dear Sugar, the podcast version of Tiny Beautiful Things with the amazing Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond, and NPR's Invisibia, about the unseen forces that influence human behavior. They're both wonderful and thoughtful.

♥ And on that note, here's an interview with Cheryl Strayed, because I will read/watch/listen anything involving her. I particularly love her approach to advice/self-help: "I do think that whoever you are, that's okay. And, I also think you can do better, and you should."  

♥ A new-to-me blog find is Grechen's Closet. It is a minimalist wardrobe blog, and what I appreciate about her approach is that it feels like a lifestyle rather than just a project, which is the way most bloggers seem to be treating capsule wardrobes these days. She's refreshingly transparent about affiliate links, and I'm super into her focus on American-made products. A great post to start with is "Buy This... Not That | Madewell Transport Tote."

♥ Being "put together" is really about choosing what to care about.

♥ I was really inspired by this business profile of Ali Nelson from Ali Makes Things, who has a criminal justice background and recovered from a traumatic brain injury to start her own social outreach and creative ventures. Quite an incredible life story. 

♥ The Milky Way Rising over Mt. Everest. from Alex Rivest on Vimeo:

Three Little Words: Part II, The Practice

Last week, I met my neighbor friend Renee for breakfast, and at one point in our conversation she asked about my intentions for 2015, which I had written about here. Still not entirely comfortable (or articulate) talking about this kind of thing out loud, I babbled on for a few minutes without saying anything concrete. She went on to talk a little bit about her own intentions and how she was applying them to different areas of her life in a very reasonable, smart way, and it occurred to me that I probably should put a little more thought into how my own intentions were going to be brought to life.

It was one of those moments of clarity—like hello, how will you know you're heading in the direction you want to be for the year unless you turn those words into actions?  My writer brain understands it this way: There can't be any character development if there isn't any plot. Obvious, yes, but I've been away from self-help/personal development for a while now and kind of forgot how things work.

My words—rooted, awake, and unapologetic—represent the way I want to feel. It's more of a centered sense of being that I'm seeking, a mindset, rather than something that can be fulfilled by checking tasks off a list. I think about a lot of people that I admire and how they have a steadiness of character and an inherent confidence that I aspire to. It's an aura, not necessarily what they do.

But don't we demonstrate who we are—to ourselves and others—through our actions, in addition to our state of mind? These words will mean nothing to me if I'm not expressing my values. It now seems silly to me to pick a word like rooted and then to just float around waiting for the word to make its appearance in my life. That sounds like a perfect recipe for failure, and quite the opposite idea to being rooted.

A few days ago, I watched Jess Lively's intention setting miniseries (now unavailable, but she is launching her Life with Intention course, which sounds amazing). The miniseries was a short introduction to her philosophy of values-based intentions. She confesses that she spent a lot of time chasing goals and in the pursuit of "success" but never feeling truly fulfilled, even after achieving her goals. Jess advocates a switch to values-based intentions instead, where our values drive our actions. When we live from our values, we have a deeper sense of meaning and connection to how we are living. And her approach sounded perfect for me, both in terms of my words for the year, and also putting a focus on how these intentions will be integrated into my life through action.

So I took to my journal and started to flesh out my intentions in clearer terms. My approach varies slightly from what Jess demonstrated in the miniseries, but I think this is a good starting point. I've shared my ideas below for three different areas of my life, if you're interested in seeing how I'm breaking the process down.
 
How can I be rooted, awake, and unapologetic in my body?
- Practicing yoga, especially grounding poses and poses for the root and sacral chakras
- Walking, hiking, spending time in nature, stretching, working on core exercises
- Taking periodic mediation breaks or mindfulness check-ins throughout my work day
- Taking breaks for deep breathing and stretching during my work day
- Mindfully eating earthy and nourishing foods, and paying attention to how different foods affect me
- Being aware of negative self-talk towards my body

How can I be rooted, awake, and unapologetic in my mind?
- Being intentional about the media I choose to consume
- Pursuing learning and growth opportunities
- Taking mindfulness and meditation breaks during my work day
- Journaling, bloging, writing, and writing some more
- Reading, and taking the time to reflect on what I'm reading and how it affects and changes me
- Being aware of negative self-talk towards myself and my abilities

How can I be rooted, awake, and unapologetic in my relationships?
- Being the person that shows up
- Reaching out more; expressing when I need support
- Bringing my true self to others: do not shrink, make comparisons, or try to people-please
- Saying what's on my mind
- Saying "no" when necessary, when it means I'm putting self-care first
- Being fully present when I'm with others
- Volunteering for a worthy cause
- Being open in intimate, heart-centered situations
- Asking questions, listening, and starting conversations that matter
- Edited to add: Avoiding backtracking when feeling vulnerable 

Honestly, many of these actions do not vary greatly from my 2015 vision board; I sometimes need to process concepts both visually and verbally before they really sink in, especially since I am making a stronger connection between intentions and action. I'd like to return to the practice of checking in with my progress on a monthly basis, or at least quarterly, which I might share on the blog if it's not too personal.

This is 32.

Yesterday I turned 32 years old. For me, 32 feels like 30 in terms of the social pressures that come with hitting a landmark age. There is a stereotype—and a bazillion thinkpieces—about women approaching 30 with a mix of apprehension and tears, particularly if the pieces of their lives don't seem as clear-cut as they hoped they'd be by that age.

32 feels like that for me.

Approaching my 30th birthday didn't seem like any sort of big deal. Generally speaking, I think getting older is pretty rad, and in the words of my fictional soul partner Nick Miller, "I finally feel like I'm aging into my personality." But when my 30th rolled around, the day's importance shifted entirely when my grandfather passed away. There's nothing like death to make you think about how you are living your life. Then, on my 31st birthday, I struggled with celebrating on what to me felt like a day of remembrance. The words "happy" and "birthday"—however well-intended—seemed so wrong together, and I hated the fake cheer I felt like I had to put on for those wishing me well. 

So, when the blues started to roll in over my head a few weeks ago, I first attributed it to the mixed feelings that now seem to be a standard part of every January 21; I'd become accustomed to a certain level of sadness associated with the day.

But no, this was something more—I could tell it from the weight sitting on my chest. The way panic seemed to be waiting on just the other side of my front door, ready to knock. The sudden urge to purge 90% of my belongings and chop off my hair (which, after two glasses of wine, I actually convinced my husband to do for me).

And I know when my hair gets involved, I'm dealing with some shit. Here's the thing: I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be at 32. I can't think of many people in my life who are 32 and don't have the "big pieces" of life figured out—the career, the home, the 2.5 children. I do have a great husband and a constantly evolving marriage, which I don't want to discount, but I'm a bit of a flailing mess when it comes to the rest. I'm not even sure what I want 98% of the time, and 32 feels too old to not know. On some days I cry over how amazing some of these beautiful little humans are that my friends have created, and on others I literally cannot imagine anything more terrifying. Besides, is a person who recently spent 45 minutes debating whether to buy a koala onesie really qualified to be anyone's parent?! Maybe I just need to get another cat, or eight. And careers, don't even get me started. If I were magically granted one self-improvement wish, it would be career clarity—to be the kind of person that feels that gut sense of knowing their purpose and direction, and to be rooted in that.

*SIGH.* Welcome, readers, to the crazy part of my brain. Can I blame some of this on the new moon and mercury in retrograde, plz?

Getting into a mental tizzy and writing it all out here sort of makes me laugh. These thoughts have been here before, and I know they've surfed in again on the wave of my 32nd birthday. Time markers like birthdays or new years have a way of doing that to me, and that seems especially true now that 32 is The Time for real career progress and babies in my brain/society.

Last night I picked up Shauna Niequist's book Cold Tangerines, and the very first essay describes how we seem to mentally wait around for the big moments to strike us, marking a clear delineation between "Before" and "After." Graduation, wedding, having a baby, getting promoted—and it is after those events that we feel like we can consider ourselves smart, loved, successful. But Shauna reminds us that our life happens in the in between.

"The Big Moment, unfortunately, is an urban myth. [...] Life is a collection of a million, billion moments, tiny little moments and choices, like a handful of luminous, glowing pearls. And strung together, built upon one another, lined up through the days and the years, they make a life, a person. It takes so much time, and so much work, and those beads and moments are so small, and so much less fabulous and dramatic than the movies. 

But this is what I'm finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I'm waiting for, that adventure, that movie-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets—this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of us will ever experience."

Picking up this book last night was one of those perfect, serendipitous moments of finding the right words exactly when I needed them. Because when the swells of crazy thoughts ebb away—which they always do—I am left with gratitude and a sweet affection towards this existence. Questions and doubts and all. I do feel like I'm living from my heart and my values, and that counts for a lot; the external stuff is just shiny pennies, as Jess Lively would put it.

I don't have any grand thoughts or lessons to end this post with, so I will leave you with more words from my beloved Nick Miller: "It's a weird life, but it's where I'm at right now."

{Top image via Death to the Stock Photo}

How to Fall in Love with Blogging Again

It's hard to ignore all the ways blogging has changed over the past several years. And it seems like personal blogging in particular is all but dead—though there are a handful of bloggers holding on (and kudos to you all!).

This isn't the first time I've brought these feelings up, and my voice is just one of many echoing similar sentiments. How the internet has become so sparkly, Pinterest-y, Instagrammable. The sponsorships. The sneaky affiliate links hidden behind bit.ly link shorteners. The transition to other platforms like Twitter and Instagram (and YouTube—hi, I'm guilty of that). People who used to blog just to blog but have since turned into brands or coaches of every variety. The lack of stories and reflection and heart. While I don't fault anyone for chasing online opportunities and shifting to the blog-as-a-business model, I miss when blogging felt like catching up with a friend, as opposed to being marketed to. I do think it's possible to meld the personal and professional, but it seems increasingly rare in this online world—I've even had someone end a blog friendship when I didn't immediately switch from "blog friend" to "customer" when they started an online business.

While we often navel-gaze about the changes we are witnessing as bloggers, it seems a bit less common for people to discuss how they are personally planning to deal with the changes moving forward. Because when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter what other bloggers are doing. Really. Or at least it shouldn't. In the personal blogging world, we can still decide what roles blogs play in our online life and how we want our own blogs to be.

Sure, one option is to quit. And I came dangerously close to closing down my blog since I wasn't sure if it was relevant anymore, or if I wanted to keep putting in the effort. But I just surpassed my fifth blogging anniversary on New Year's Eve, and my heart says I can't give up on it just yet. I'm still in a phase of life (married but childless and trying to figure out my creative path) where blogging provides some value to me.

At one point in time, the reason I blogged was largely for the community, but as interactions are more infrequent than they used to be, it doesn't make sense for that to be my primary motivator. Of course, I take the blame for a significant part of this as I haven't exactly kept a regular posting schedule to encourage comments and interactions, nor have I even gotten that personal as of late. I've also moved away from the art and DIY community that I was originally a part of.

Instead of sitting around lost in nostalgia for the blogging days of yore, I'm considering how I can return to a point of enjoying blogging again, in whatever way works for me. With a little reflection and intention, I've come up with the a few action steps.

How to Fall in Love with Blogging Again

1. Clean out my blog feeds.
A common phrase in my house is "Garbage in, garbage out." Mark and I often say this to each other as a reminder to eat healthy food so that our bodies and health thrive, but this sentiment can apply to anything else we consume, including media and blogs. My favorite blogs are personal, reflective, thoughtful, and/or inspiring (NOT aspirational), so I've cleared out any blogs that don't fulfill me in those ways. Gone are the coaching blogs who only speak in the second person or provide reductive lists of life hacks, the numerous lifestyle blogs with their identical white/gold/pink decor, and the blogs where life is depicted exclusively as sunshine and rainbows. Of course, this is an individual choice not meant to knock anyone who does identify with these kinds of blogs. I'll be keeping an eye out for smaller blogs with fresh perspectives, though I don't want to devote too much time to this, as this quest can transform into procrastination if I'm not careful.

2. Manage my feeds.
I've decided to utilize two different feed aggregators, Feedly and Bloglovin. I love the simplicity of Feedly, and this where all my must-read blogs go. It is already a regular part of my morning routine, and I follow few enough blogs on Feedly that I can get to all the posts before I'm halfway through my coffee. But there are some lifestyle blogs that I do enjoy but do not want in my face quite as frequently, so I use Bloglovin as a sort of B-tier. This lets me check in with these blogs only when I feel like it—often on Fridays because I tend to enjoy those "weekend links" types of posts. And I never feel bad about using the "mark all as read" button.

3. Re-examine my own blogging goals.
As I mentioned, I don't think I can safely rely on "community" as my primary reason for blogging since that is something that exists outside myself and my control. So what are my reasons for blogging right now? It's certainly not sponsorship, notoriety, or a full-time blogging career (ha!). The biggest reason is simply this: to write. Sure, I have my journal, which I've been using more frequently this year, but writing of any kind comes most easily to me when I do it frequently and compulsively. In journals, in Word docs, on my blog. It is the habit I most want to cultivate this year, so regular blogging will just be another outlet to do so. My secondary blogging goals have to do with what I choose to write about, and echo the content I enjoy reading: posts that are personal, reflective, thoughtful, inspiring. If I'm able to foster some sort of community/engagement out of this type of content, that's great, but if not, it will still serve the purpose of getting me in the chair to write.

4. Set a schedule.
Creative momentum is a real phenomenon—projects in motion stay in motion and projects at rest stay at rest. I've learned that again and again through my YouTube channel. It is so much easier to keep creating than it is to start creating after a break. With that in mind, I'm planning on sitting down once a month to come up with a rough list of posts, and then trying to post two times per week (typically on Tuesdays and Thursdays). I'll give that schedule a few months to see how it works for me, but it seems like a reasonable amount—consistent, but not overwhelming or distracting from any other parts of my life.

5. Blog for myself. 
If I'm focused on any sort of external metric—page views, comments, how I compare to other bloggers—I'll never be able to feel satisfied. As a personal blog, the only thing that really matters is that I'm sharing what I want to share in the way I want to share it, that I am challenging myself to write, and that am learning about myself and growing along the way. See also: My Blogging Oath.

6. Reach out.
The last piece of the blogging puzzle is to ensure that I am supporting the blogs I love, especially the smaller, more personal blogs. I want other bloggers to know their efforts are appreciated—especially when so many of us are thinking about the fates of our blogs—and the best way for me to do that is to leave comments and to share their posts. I'm too often a lurker—I often feel shy about making that first introductory comment, or I hold off on commenting because I want to give myself time to come up with a more thoughtful comment than "loved this post!!!" and fail to actually do so. So I want to be mindful about actually leaving comments.

***

And that's my plan. While I have branched out into other areas of the internet with slow-and-steady success and could theoretically put all of my attention there, blogging was my first internet love and I can't give up on it just yet. The internet is just a small part of my life and I have no problem cutting out what's not working—*cough*Facebook*cough*—but I do still appreciate my blog as a place to work through my thoughts, and I do enjoy looking back on all that I have blogged. We're going through a rocky patch right now, but I'm hopeful we can fall back in love again this year.

{Image via Death to the Stock Photo, text additions by me.}

2015, Visualized.

As many have already espoused, you do not need a fresh year to set intentions, goals, and resolutions for yourself; you can do so anytime. I do believe that. But there something I can't resist about the post-holiday quiet of January, combined with new planners/calendars and my birthday coming up in a few weeks. It's a natural time for me to reflect, pick my guiding words for 2015, and visualize what I want out of the coming year. These are some of the ideas, intentions, and dreams I'd like to bring into my life.

***

In 2015:

Be brave, speak from the heart, ask questions, listen.
Connect with the earth. Spend time outdoors, in nature, hiking, walking.
Write in my journal daily, or as close to daily as possible.
Enjoy my own company; embrace solitude.
Take a vacation to the lake house.
Focus only on what really matters.
Go on adventures together.
Take pictures, make videos.
Continue to streamline life, home and my wardrobe.
Nourish myself, physically and spiritually.
Write write write write write.
Try new things; embrace the beginner's mindset.
Read damn good books.
Channel Emma—poised, elegant, creative, strong-minded, strong beliefs.
Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don't be sorry.
Practice kitchen meditation.
Stretch, get grounded, and grow.
Get another cat. Male, black, Bombay breed preferably, to be named Theodore.
Create the kind of home I envision.
Make lots of things.
Take a trip to Utah's national parks.
Feed myself with good, clean, life-supporting food.
Think about growing as a family.

2015: Three Little Words

I had a conversation with an acquaintance a while back in which they commented that I seemed ungrounded. It was true: my creative and personal confidence was lacking, I'd been through some emotional upheavals at the time and hadn't really dealt with them in any sort of concrete way, and I had a constant sense of inner indecisiveness. "I don't know" was a refrain that I said all too frequently; I was full of far more questions than answers. And, although I shouldn't have been, it caught me off-guard that someone else—who I didn't even know that well—could spot my shaky foundation. It's uncomfortable when others are able to accurately point out your bullshit, especially when you didn't really even notice it piled up in the corner.

Over the past year, this conversation would pop into my head on occasion, especially when I was editing my videos for my booktube channel. The process of putting my face and thoughts on the internet has been a mirror of sorts, reflecting back to me the wavering I sometimes have in my words, or the way I sometimes don't seem trust my own voice and perspective. There's a sprinkling of perfectionism and pressure in there as well, as I do want to be articulate and communicate clearly, but in between the words, I could often spot this floaty "ungrounded-ness" that I'd previously been called out on. (Thank goodness for editing programs, so that I end up a little more pulled together in my final videos. But that doesn't help me in my everyday life!)

At some point in 2014, I knew my defining word for 2015 would be "rooted." To me, this represents inner strength and stability. I like that there is an implied sense of growth to the word, but also a peaceful, calm centeredness. To believe in who you are and what you want.

And while I think this word would be enough on its own, I also liked the idea of pairing it with "awake" and "unapologetic." To me, they're all threads that weave together into something larger, stronger. "Awake" evokes a presence of mind, an openness, a connection to the world around me. To not be rooted in a stubborn, negative way but to bring awareness to how I let the world influence me, and how I influence it. And "unapologetic" takes these inward-focused words and turns them outward—it is an encouragement to be myself, as I am, no apologies. It's the idea that I am enough.

So those are my three guiding words for 2015. It might sound like a bunch of hippie talk, but I think it will do me some good to reflect on these words, since they so clearly represent how I'd like to evolve as a person, this year and always. In many ways, I'd fallen out of favor with the idea of personal development over the past two-ish years, and I honestly think it deserves a place in my life again. I hope these words will inspire me to prioritize regular journal writing again, as I think it's one of the best ways to discover new things about yourself, or simply (re)connect with your inner voice.

{2014: Story. | 2013: Courageous Truth. | 2012: Ignite. | 2011: Cultivate. | 2010: Action.}