I almost ignored this post this month; the goal setting process can sometimes bring out the perfectionist AND the rebel in me, which can be a recipe for disaster—something along the lines of "well, if I can't do exactly what I set out to do 100% perfectly, then I'M NOT GOING TO DO ANNNYTHING." And on top of that, the prospect of recounting my "failures" publicly on this blog (to my 4 readers, lol) made me want to forget about it altogether and just go to bed with a pint of ice cream instead.
But when I sit down to think about my month and work through these posts, what I'm reminded of again and again is that the point is not perfection. Getting where I want to go in terms of my health, creative life, or in my relationships is about a series of small choices each better than the last. It's the grit to keep trying and the grace when I inevitably trip and fall (or just sit down on a park bench for a momentary breather). Even when my goals aren't achieved 100% perfectly—which is the vast majority of the time, let's be honest—I am always learning more about myself and my needs and motivations.
MARCH GOALS RECAP
BODY | Daily physical therapy stretch routine, a minimum of 5 times a week.
This continues to be a work-in-progress and not without its setbacks, mostly in the form of other discomforts and pains that pop up along the way. But I will continue to work at it. I did learn that what really helps me is giving myself something to look forward to in regards to my exercises and stretches—especially prior to it becoming a habit where the activity is its own reward. For me, uninterrupted podcast listening time is enough to make me look forward to doing my routine, and it is also a convenient distraction during the more painful moments ;)
MIND | Cut back on social media.
Aside from engaging with/lurking on social media less frequently, I went forward with my plan to cut who I was following by about 50%, although I did add some new accounts to the mix that are more pertinent to my current interests. For example, started following a small handful of new-to-me hand-letterers and illustrators on Instagram, and found a few YouTubers making well-edited and thought-provoking content. For me, social media "balance" is partially about quantity, since I'm easily overwhelmed and overstimulated by too much content, but it's also about quality and variety. It's been good to cut back because it's helped me to see what direction I want to go in creatively, and not just blindly following the trends of the communities I'm a part of.
SOUL | Find a tutoring placement.
I finished up my literacy tutor training, received my certificate, and filled out an availability form, but I learned that I now have to wait to hear from the tutoring coordinator before I can jump into a placement. Hopefully my availability corresponds with their needs and we'll be able to work something out, perhaps for summer or fall semesters.
LIGHT | Where did I find "Light" in March?
To be honest, March felt heavy. It was not a happy month for me personally; I felt a bit lost and rootless in my life and out-of-touch with myself, which are feelings I'm no stranger to. And when this happens, it can feel like trying to climb out of quicksand. My daily gratitude practice remained, but the things I was able to notice and record were obvious or simple, like a rare good night's sleep and remembering to take my vitamins. But looking back on the month now, I can see a few other bright spots: the rainy weather beginning to break, buying some outdoor furniture so that we can take better advantage of our balcony this spring and summer, returning to a way of eating that feels fresh and lighter (and mostly avoiding the coffee drinks that make me feel gross), and being able to have dinner outside. When my anxiety flared up, I was able to handle it a little bit better than in the past, mostly by facing the damn things without giving myself too much time to worry about them. Baby steps.
APRIL GOALS
BODY | Daily physical therapy exercises/stretches AND start getting up earlier in the morning.
Keep doing those PT exercises! They will get easier and they will eventually help reduce the persistent physical pain I feel. Aside from that I want to gradually wake up earlier. While I am a morning(-ish) person, I have found it difficult to actually get out of bed (I have a feeling this has more to do with my mental health than, say, the amount of sleep I'm getting). I'd like the early morning hours to eventually be a time to write and/or meditate, before the day's to-do's demand attention.
MIND | Work on developing a new portfolio website.
It really bothers me that I don't have one central place online that acts as a portfolio for my diverse work, mostly because I've never been entirely comfortable with identifying as a renaissance woman—in my case a hybrid graphic artist/writer/content creator. I think I saw my jack-of-all trades skill set as a detriment, and it was easier for me to communicate what I do to employers, potential clients, or acquaintances when I only focused on one compartmentalized part of myself. Only recently have I begun to embrace a more holistic approach to my creative pursuits. While I don't know where it will lead me in the future, it feels more true to myself, and I'd like to re-vamp my sites and portfolio accordingly.
SOUL | Socialize!
First up will be a visit from my mom and step-dad next week! They will be our second visitors in Portland, and I'm excited to show them the gorgeous nature spots and to just hang out with them for the first time since Mark and I were in Illinois for Christmas. Aside from that, it's *really* time for me to focus on growing my community in Portland. A few ideas: I have an online acquaintance I'd like to meet for coffee, there are two bookclub Meetups I could attend, I should probably find a yoga/pilates/barre class, I want to go to at least one Unitarian Universalist service, etc. I'd like to stay away from situations where socializing is based on drinking, but I think I'll be able to find at least a few things that are more my speed. I'm not expecting fast friends—that's not my style anyways—but more so I just want to get in the habit of talking to new people, and any new friendships will evolve from there.
Ah Catie, I relate to so much of what you are saying. And I know it can be so hard to focus on the progress of the perfection of a task. I found your words to be really encouraging for myself as well and you really make me want to make an effort to set some goals that I revisit monthly to help myself see the small progress over a longer time period.
ReplyDeleteI definitely am right there with you about being uncomfortable considering myself a renaissance woman. I, too, have always felt like my jack-of-all-trades, but master of none way of life was limiting or some how made my efforts/achievements less valuable.
I get so excited about things for a short period of time and then often move on to something else almost entirely. Eventually I come back to most of them with excitement again, but I'm not good a sustaining excitement and involvement with multiple things at one time. I get really excited about eating healthy and exercising and then I stop reading and making videos. I get excited about reading and making videos and start eating terribly again. I was super into project life and then I stopped doing a bunch of other things... I find it really hard to find balance with all of the small passions I have in my brain.
Anyways. I just wanted to say you're definitely not alone in so many of these feelings and thoughts. I absolutely hear them and relate deeply.
Thanks Jenni! I totally recommend tracking small goals. I feel comforted that there's some forward movement, even if they're not making a huge difference to the "big picture."
DeleteI am exactly the same way with how I rotate through hobbies/interests (and even jobs) and how I fall in and out of love with them. I get jealous of people who have such clear and specific focus to their lives, but that's not the way I work. It's sometimes hard for me not to think that picking a specialty/niche is the better way to be and leads to more success, but I know myself and I would be unhappy if I was forced to focus on only a few things. So I've been trying to embrace fluidity and go where my interests take me. It might not lead to any conventional definition of "success" but it will fulfill me as a creative and curious person.